I have worked out lifting weights with McMuscles 3 times this week at the YMCA, and if we do it again on Saturday, it will make 4. I’m pretty pleased with that. Yet, I find there are a few moments where he and I are so very different.
Being the girl that I am, and McMuscles being the guy he is, we do our very best to communicate. But you all know that women are from Venus and all that jazz. So I wanted to share some classic quotes from McMuscles, and explain the things I am learning.
Here’s my very first installment of “Says, Means, Hears!”
What McMuscles says: You have really good form.
What McMuscles means: Your performance of this particular movement is acceptable.
What Charlie hears: Why are you dieting, Charlie? Look at you! You are like those Renaissance paintings where the full figured woman is what it’s all about! Now, go have a candy bar, you voluptuous vixen!
What McMuscles says: We are going to rep out on this.
What McMuscles means: You and I are going to repeat this movement until we no longer can.
What Charlie hears: I am going to torture you within an inch of your sanity, if there’s even an inch left between you and your sanity. And that is debatable from what I’ve learned about you.
What McMuscles says: Make sure you get lots of protein tonight.
What McMuscles means: Protein is essential to muscle growth, so eat lean meats to help you in your quest to become skinnyer.
What Charlie hears: Protein is essential, and it can be found in a snickers bar if you count the peanuts. 3 musketeers are a no go, but Paydays are even better. Other acceptable forms of protein would be sweet and sour chicken from the Chinese place. Deep frying is always an option.
What McMuscles says: You are doing a good job, Charlie!
What McMuscles means: This isn’t a total waste of my time after all!
What Charlie hears: You are shrinking right before my very eyes! It’s a miracle and a wonder to watch you transform. But you are shrinking a little too much tonight. Go have a candy bar, you teeny tiny waif!
What McMuscles says: You are working out harder than most guys do.
What McMuscles means: It’s apparent that while working out, you are giving 110%.
What Charlie hears: You are putting all of these stinky guys to shame. They are watching you out of the corner of their eyes and wondering who this super weight lifting woman is, and they are shaking in their boots because you are nothing short of a force to be reckoned with! Go have a candy bar to celebrate your success of weight room domination!
What McMuscles says: I’m telling everyone how great you are doing.
What McMuscles means: I am unashamed to tell other people in my social circle that I work out with you.
What Charlie hears: Wow. You don’t suck nearly as bad as I thought you would! Now go have a candy bar as a little reward for yourself. Better make it a king sized Payday, since you are now queen of the gym.
What McMuscles says: Let’s meet early on Saturday to workout.
What McMuscles means: Let’s meet early on Saturday to workout.
What Charlie hears: If you can pry your butt out of bed before the crack of 10 on Saturday morning (which is highly doubtful), make a mad dash to Royal Donut, get some glazed (about 6 should do), snarf them down in the car between the Donut shop and the Y (which is 4 blocks), brush the crumbs off your boobs (cause they always end up there anyway), realizing that you smooshed one piece of glaze onto your workout top, leaving a huge sugary stain, try to remove it with your cup of coffee, and then realizing you now smell like coffee and donuts and cannot possibly face me -text me and tell me you overslept and won’t be joining me.
What McMuscles says:What That was a good workout.
What McMuscles means: You pushed yourself and you will see the rewards.
What Charlie hears: You are doing this. You are making this happen. Don’t stop now, sister. You are on a roll!