I hit 178 this week.
7 pounds of total stress eating weight.
I could be ashamed. I could be upset. But I'm really not all that worried. It's mostly carb weight, and I've got it back down to 174.6 today. The next 4 will come off easily, if I keep myself together. So that's what I'm trying to do.
Eating really is my go to soother. When I hit primal states of being- complete fear, devestating loss, etc., I EAT. And I am learning to accept that about myself.
When my Grandma Bush died, it was a Sunday. And that day, I didn't cry. I ate. I ate until I threw up. Because I was hitting a primal state. I had no other way to control my emotions, save eating.
And on Christmas day, dropping off my kids to go to Arizona for a week, I hit that same primal state. Total fear. My kids have NEVER been so far away from me as they are now. And I panicked. So I ate. For 2 days I ate like mad. I prayed and I ate.
I'm not going to try and figure out why that's my knee jerk response to extreme conditions. I'm just going to accept it for what it is. My primal instinct. It stinks, but it is what it is. And am thankful I have very few days when I feel like this. Today, when I am feeling better about things, I'm going right back to what I know. Healthy eating, proper portions, and control. I can't be perfect all the time. But I can be thankful most days aren't primal days.
So, it's on to the plans for the new year. Can I actually hit 169? I have 3 days, and I'm pretty sure I can do it. I can at least get close. Close is really all I need. I am mentally preparing myself to go the distance this year. I have a new accountability partner for my quest (an old crush named Stephan who's a fitness coach now) and we are working on a plan together to get me to 138 in 2011. I'm helping Jia with out the Dirty Diet, a diet plan tailor made for her, I still have McMuscles, and as always- blogging blogging blogging.
This blog is my life line. It helps ground me to what I need to do. It makes me think about what is really important for me. The power of a blog is incredible. It's a gift, and I want to share that gift with you. Not only with my blog, but your blog too!
In order for me to share that gift, I made a deal with my kick a$$ blog designer, April, and we are going to give away a blog makeover!!! You can read all about it on January 3rd. So make sure you come back to get the details. It's my gift to you. To start someone off on the right foot into a new life of health and weight loss.
This week didn't exactly go as planned. But I'm getting through. And that's really all that counts. But in 2011, I am taking this diet by the horns, and riding it to the finish line.
Stick with me. We are going to see the end this year.