Wednesday, March 30

Tattooey-Gooey

Wednesday, March 23

The 75 POUNDS LOST DANCE

 
video
 

Tuesday, March 22

Says, Means and Hears at the Dollar Tree

Monday, March 21

Almost Dancing...

Today, I wanted to share just a couple of things. I'm making this quick, because the kids are on Spring Break (for 3 weeks) and they NEED my computer to keep them from being BORED. They are cracking me up! Why is it I have so much to do and they seem to have nothing???


Today, I was at 74 pounds lost. I was hoping to get my 75 pound goal today, but I was right on the verge for the second day in a row. But I'm doing lots of housework and packing, so it's going to come off soon.

Also, I am wearing size 8 jeans for the first time I can remember as an adult. Do I have a muffin top? Oh, big time. But can I breathe and move and work? YES YES YES!!! It's amazing how something as silly as a size on a tag can brighten your day!

Finally, we are looking at a house this week. Keep your fingers crossed that this one is "THE ONE." I've had it saved on my realtor.com account for months, but we haven't looked at it yet. So Wednesday night is the night we find out. It's got 4 bedrooms and wait for it... 3 toilets!!!! Seriously, I never thought I would be so excited about toilets, but I'm doing a major happy dance inside. Plus, it's big enough for our family to expand, it's in our price range, and our dear friends the Williams live just a block down. It's mid-construction, which is perfect for some do-it-yourselfers like me and my man. We aren't scared of drywall and painting. We kinda like that type of work.

So that's all the stuff going on in our world. Things are looking up! We are joyfully embracing the challenges ahead, and feeling great about making some big moves for our family.

Now all I need is to hit that 163 tomorrow, and I can really dance!!!

(Oh, yes, there will be horrid white girl dancing if I make it! I'll be posting that video for sure. Make sure you check back on Tuesday morning to see if I made it!) 

Thursday, March 17

The Broken Girl

Wednesday, March 16

Weight update

 
I weighed 166.6, and I was not going to continue the day with that number hanging over my head.
 
So I re-weighed myself after peeing and stripping.
 
165.6
 
That's a number I'm proud of!!!!
 
73 pounds down and still counting....
 
 

Monday, March 14

Top Ten Reasons I hate Spring Forward



(I own this clock. I love this clock.)

1. There is no springing involved. In fact, it seems to have the opposite effect on most members of my household. I usually have to pry them out of bed with a crowbar. Hence, no springing. I find that we are much more agreeable to the falling back.

2. An extra hour of time before noon gives all the morning people the upperhand at making us night owls look bad. No offense to you morning glories out there, but seriously, ya'll. I do not deal well with morning people.

3. I have to remember how to reset the clock in my van. And I never can.

4. All the annoying people who go around on the Saturday before saying "Don't forget to spring forward!" I only need one person to tell me. Then I remember. After that, it's like you are rubbing the fact I'm being robbed of an hour's sleep in my face. Next year I'm going to wear a t-shirt that says "I already know about Spring Forward."

5. The fact that Mommy has to seem like the bedtime bad-guy because she sends the kids to bed early. Even though there are still 3 clocks in the house that say 7:30.

6. The fact that we have SO MANY FLIPPIN CLOCKS in this house.

7. The fact that my 8 year old son stumbled out of bed into the kitchen at 6am this morning, hugged me and said "It's early." (I don't hate the child or hugging portion of this. I do hate that it feels like torture to us all.)

8. It is now Monday. And I'm still going to feel like a zombie until at least middle of next week.

9. Insomnia + Time Change = No sleep for me.

And the final reason I hate Spring Forward:

10. I my sleep deprived brain couldn't focus on anything else to blog about.

Thursday, March 10

The 300th post- Looking for WORTH

Tuesday, March 8

One good stomach flu...

In exactly 5 pounds, I will be the thinnest I have ever been as an adult. Right now, I'm at 167.1, and the least I've ever weighed in at is 162 for 2 days.  That means I'm one thing.

(Picture sent to me by Daphne T.)
And living in the Hester House of Hurling, I am in an optimal position to change my life forever.

OK, seriously, I don't condone hurling your way to the top. But if the flu hits me, I'm going to take full advantage of it.

Last night, when I was at the Kmarts (on shopping trip number 2 in 2 hours cause I keep forgetting stuff) I thought the flu had finally hit me from behind.

As I was sitting in the public restroom, checking my email while stuck on the can, I felt really bad for the lady who walked in, smelled the air, and promptly walked out, telling her child "We are going to the other bathroom."

"But Mommy, I really gotta go!"

"Not in there, you don't."

Fantastic. Then I was giggling and pooing. It was not pretty, but it was pretty funny.

This morning, I had Matt get the kids ready for school. Part of the deal for me to stay at home is I get the kids ready for school every day. Unless I'm sick. And today, I was thankful for a man who jumped out of bed on my behalf and found matching socks at 6 in the morning. I'm super lucky to have a fellow like him.

I slept until 11:30 today. It felt great. But I still need to shower and stuff. My tummy is better, but I'm not hungry at all. A cup of coffee seems to be just enough today.

Now, I'm on a mission to scrub the germs out of my house. I've already started tackling the kitchen, scrubbing anything I can reach. And I'm going to keep going. 3 rounds of flu since November 1 person at a time has added up to far too many puke buckets to scrub out. I've had enough.

Have all of you struggled with the flu this winter? Stuff that keeps coming back? What are you doing to clear your house of the germs? I'm looking for ideas.

Monday, March 7

ALONE?

I did it.

Matt really likes them, and for the first time in my life, my bangs accentuate my previously chubby cheeks by making my face look thinner!

I would post a picture, but the reality is that I have YET to actually do my hair since I cut them. (I've been sporting a ponytail the whole weekend. Out of laziness? Or busyness? You decide!)

Bangs, like so many other facets of my life, were a tough call. And the build-up to the decision was much harder than living with the decision. Once I made up my mind, I enjoyed the fact that I had cut the hair. I felt lighter and more approachable. And it felt like I had made the right move.

It was the same way with running. I was scared of it for so long, but once I made up my mind and started working towards it, it became something I wanted to do. Something I kind-of enjoyed.

I'm really working towards making big changes. Appreciating the changes I'm starting to feel in my body. Looking forward to some new opportunities. Sharing some of those wonderful changes with you, so I can be a living breathing Barbie Doll of possibilities for you to look at. That's the goal.

Showing you the WHAT IFS.

But this is scary for me, being open like this. For some odd reason, the more public I become with my journey, my confessions, and my transitions- the more ALONE I feel. Not that I'm not surrounded by friends and family. Because I am.

But there are times when I feel no one else understands my journey. I think it's part of the human condition- we isolate our feelings so that no one else can help us overcome them. It's our safety net. Even if we cut our hair, or lose the weight, or win the lottery, we will still struggle with the idea of feeling alone.

But when I feel most alone, I start to remember the things I can be grateful for.

One of the things I am most thankful for is my husband, who reminded me of his love by saying those 3 little words I long to hear:

YOU ARE SAFE.

That's what I get from my husband. The opportunity to explore who I really am. There's no pressure to be someone I'm not, or to be perfect. Instead, he gives me the chance to investigate the person I am.

When was the last time you explored who you are? Do you really like doing the things you do now, or do you repeat them because you don't want to venture out into something new? If you discover something about who you are that you don't like, are you willing to put in the work to change it?

 I don't like the unknown, and so I stay in my bubble of what I'm already comfortable with. I have this routine I like to keep, and if it falters, I kinda lose my bearings. Right now, with Matt and I having one car between us, I'm going stir crazy. I'm used to hopping in the van and taking off if I need to, not wandering around my house looking at the walls. I can take Matt to work, but it requires 2- 45 minute trips, and that's just annoying. If it was warmer, I'd just walk everywhere, but it's still wintertime, so I'm not excited to take a cold walk.

My point is- I'm being whiney because I'm inconvenienced.

The main goal of this week is no longer going to be what can I point out that's wrong in my life. Instead, I'm going to start counting my blessings. And I'm starting right now.

1. I am NEVER ALONE. I am surrounded with wonderful relationships that make my life better.

2. We only have one car, but we have A CAR. There have been times in my life when I didn't even have that. I need to remember that even though I have to wait to go to the grocery store until night time, I can still get there without having to ask someone to take me or pay a taxi.

3. I have a roof over my head, and a husband who fully supports the decision for me to be a stay at home mom, and we can afford to do so.

4. My husband has a kick butt job. That's a blessing all it's own.

5. I have fantastic kids who have a great sense of humor. And if one of them gets sick, Matt and I don't have to scramble to figure out who stays home with them.

6. I have lost 71 pounds, and I'm still going. I haven't lost steam. Instead I'm looking more and more toward the end of this journey.

7. My blog readers are better than anybody else's. PERIOD.

8. I am a fighter. And I never thought I would be.

9. We are really really really close to getting a house with an additional toilet. Just like with having one car, I can't imagine the relief I will feel when we get that second can. ;)

10. I AM HAPPY.

What are your major blessings today?
  

Friday, March 4

Banging it Out

Today’s post may seem like one of those emotionally empty completely vain posts. But it’s not. Really.
I am trying to decide what to do with my hair. And I can’t figure it out.
I would love to have bangs again, because I’ve got issues with my hair covering my face when I sleep and dreaming that I’m drowning. (Yeah, I do.) But I know the MOMENT I make that first cut, bangs will be deemed completely out of style, and then I’ll have to wait a year before they grow back out, and we all know how irritating that is.
The issue at hand here is that I love my long hair. But I also struggle keeping up with it. And because I like to “vintage style” my hair...
Exhibit A:


 Exhibit B:


Exhibit C:
 ...it requires a lot of teasing and backcombing, and because I bleach my hair, it’s already pretty brittle. I've got lots of split ends texture on my head.
If I go to a salon, I’m scared they will tell me to cut it all off and start over.
NO WAY.
Yet, this is not just about my hair.
This is about my body image. I use my hair to hide. Sure it’s kind of outlandish at times (I love me a good victory roll) but I often fix my hair so people won’t look at my body.
Weird, huh?
It’s the same reason I used to make power point presentations when I would sing at church at 230+ pounds. It’s all about the art of distraction.
This issue of hiding is a big emotional trigger for me. I am an extreme introvert who likes to think she’s an extrovert. (Which makes no sense unless you don’t think about it. Or know me.) I have serious boundary issues. Part of that is from my past, and how I was hurt back in the day. And because my past is not longer going to hold me back, it’s time for a change. And that means full exposure.
I don’t want to keep hiding. I want to live my life front and center.
This week, due to a combination of reasons, I didn’t audition for a musical that I really wanted to be in. But the biggest reason why? BECAUSE I GOT SCARED. I got scared that I wouldn’t be right for the part. I got scared that someone thinner would walk in and blow me out of the water. Instead of putting on my brave face and trying, I stayed home and let the chance pass me by. That is living like I used to every day. I don’t want to do that!
I haven’t been to a salon to get my hair cut in 5 years. Every haircut I’ve had during the last years was one I gave myself. They were imperfect and qwerky, just like me. To have a polished look felt like false advertising. Because I’m not polished at all. I’m more of a hot mess.
Is there shame in being a hot mess? No, I don’t think there is. But is there shame in pretending like you can’t be anything else? I think there is.
Can I be thin? Possibly. If I’m willing to do the hard sweaty work to get there.
Can I be polished? Maybe. If I take the time to work on the rough stuff.
Can I live life front and center? Sure, as long as I get off the couch.
Can I be a leading lady? I can, as long as I learn how a leading lady acts.
Can I pull off bangs and let my face shine?
I don't know. Am I ready for some real change?

Wednesday, March 2

The NEW BLOG!!!!!

Because if Erma Bombeck could get through motherhood while laughing, so can I.
Please go check out my inaugrial post, called Veggie-Gummy-Vitamin.
If you like what you see, be sure to follow the new blog and leave a comment! I won't post on there more than once a week, but I needed a seperate place to talk about motherhood and not have to associate it with dieting.
As always, I hope you enjoy the good laugh, and you can be thankful this didn't happen to you.

Tuesday, March 1

How a LOSER becomes a WINNER

 
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