I have not blogged in almost A MONTH.
A whole super long time in which I have been not hiding from the world, but simply existing in it. Healing, loving, crying, sharing, hugging, and changing.
That really sums up what I’ve been doing.
Thankfully, though, I’ve also been maintaining. I’m currently at 140 pounds. Which I consider success. I may not live every single day in the 130s, but averaging 2 pounds away for over 2 months is impressive, by my standards at least.
And then there’s the whole issue of TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.
And that’s what I’m going to talk about today. Because this is something totally new to me. I never tried to get pregnant before. It just always happened. Even using birth control.
But now, as a woman in her mid thirties, I’m not sure it will be as easy as it once was.
Last month, I admit we only gave it a half hearted attempt. Mostly because doing the “Baby Dance” as it is called on most “trying to conceive” sites, required 2 vicatin to even get through it. I happened to ovulate shortly after the surgery, so I wasn’t feeling my best, and it wasn’t nearly as fun as it normally is.
By the way, we call it “kittens” in this house.
This time around, as mother nature has finally wrapped up her week long evil deed of lady-time, and I no longer require any painkillers to get through the day- including advil (woot!), it’s time to start thinking about kittens again. (which seriously, regarding mother nature, I am still gunning for human evolving in this area, so that one day my daughters and grand-daughters won’t have to have a period. Just once a month there will be a post it note in their unders saying “Not pregnant” or “Start stocking up on Pampers” or something nice and not annoying and un-disgusting like that.)
Wrapping my head around kittens being something more profitable than an amusing extra-curricular activity is weird. And to be honest, I’ve read some of the horror stories online of couples attempting to get preggers and having kittens becomes a chore for them.
KITTENS A CHORE? Say it ain’t so!
Maybe it’s easy for me to be optimistic because:
A) this is only the second month we are attempting to be makin’ bacon. (a term my grandpa uses on the farm for animals mating) (he’s a pig farmer. Lol) It is still thrilling to think that (brace yourself, this is another family saying from grandparents) soon I will take serious what Matt is poking in fun. (That is hilarious to me.)
B) I’m a fan of kittens. BIG FAN.
C) I am totally in love with my husband, and kittens isn’t just about fulfilling primal needs. It’s about drawing close to each other, reconnecting, and remembering that our relationship is more than just being mom and dad to the 3 kids we have, or being Matt at work and Charlie the housewife. One day, we will be old and retired and living in a house with just the 2 of us hanging around. If our relationship is only about those other things, what happens to us when we have an empty nest and are living off of a 401K? Kittens is a healthy way for us to remember that we are passionately in love (or as Matt likes to tell me “Madly in love”) because of who the other person is, beyond the insane schedules and duties we share. (I just said dooty.)
Kittens is important for more than just making a baby.
So as we head into another month of focused well-timed (hopefully) productive Kittens, I figure we can use this time to re-kindle some of the romance that gets lost in the never ending piles of laundry. How am I going to do that?
If there is anything that makes me swoon faster than a corset wearing southern belle on a hot day in August, it’s flirting. When we are in a room packed full of people, and I see my husband wink at me, to quote SWV- “I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.” I don’t know what it is about that little gesture, but it knocks me off my rocker EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Not to mention that when Matt comes up and wraps his arms around me while I’m doing something normal, like making dinner. It reminds me that beyond being mom and home chef, I’m still a woman who is appreciated.
But those are the ways Matt flirts with me.
How can I flirt with him?
He’s a different type of flirter. He’s not big on PDA (public displays of affection) nor is he one to be moved by lengthy love letters written by yours truly. (OK, but in all fairness, that is what I do full time. Writing. It’s what I excel at. I suppose it would feel the same way if he came home with a 500 page policy packet of why he loves me and the proper ways to express that love. Since that’s his job at work, I’d be unimpressed too.)
Here are the top 5 ways I’m going to try and flirt with my husband.
1. GIVE HIM THE REMOTE and don’t ask for it back. Not even when he picks a show I don’t like. Even if it’s “Ghost Hunters.”
2. I will not wear the grey underwear I have washed 80 berjillion times and are the comfiest pair I own. They are horrid and unattractive. I vow to wear the uncomfortable stuff.
3. I will not pick apart the things he does. All wives are guilty of this, including yours truly, and it doesn’t help a person in your house feel appreciated for the ways they help out.
4. Speaking of which, I will NOTICE all the little things he does to help out around the house, and comment how much I appreciate each and every one.
5. I will remember that my husband is the kindest, funniest, most generous man I have ever met. And I will let all my thoughts about him help me cherish those attributes of his character.
And finally, as my last random thought for the day, I wanted to share with you something I’ve been struggling with. This is kind of a big thing.
I’m wondering what to do with this blog.
See, I’ve met my weight loss goal, and Charlie’s Big Butt has officially been shrunk. For those people that come here to get inspiration (or otherwise) regarding weight loss, I’m not focusing on that right now, and I don’t want to annoy people talking about things like kittens and periods. Or eventually, being knocked up. (Fingers crossed!)
I’m toying with some ideas, but none of them seem to be the right fit. Not to mention that I’m not sure how far I can go with talking about trying to get preggers. Especially when we finally get there and have to wait and have an ultra sound to make sure it’s not a tubal pregnancy. I’m not sure how to process all of this, nor how much I want to share about it. Then again, this blog is how I process things. It’s my way of coming to terms with the situations at hand.
Honestly, gang, I’m rather torn about it all.
So if you have any thoughts about it, or encouraging words, please share them. I don’t want to just walk away from OSCBB, but I also want to stay true to the nature of this blog. And I just can’t figure out what to do!
I also have no idea how to end this post….
So… uh…. The end.