A Look Back between THEN and WOW

OK, one of the hardest things for me to do is be open about the size of my body. I’ve always found it (my body) to be “inferior” and because of this I learned how to let my personality overcompensate for the fact that I am a fat chick. Not to mention that the blessings in cups tend to make me look like I am eternally preggers because the shirt hangs like an awning from the boobs and is a good 6 feet away from my tummy. God giveth me A LOT of blessings.

Yet in light of my recent success at hitting the land of “Under 200 pounds at last,” (this morning I was at 198.4!) I had to rethink how I feel about my body. It is changing, and I believe there is a good reason why. I started fessing up to the truth about my body. After I admitted to the world what that shameful weight actually was, something inside me really changed. I began embracing what my body was capable of. I began enjoying the little victories instead of saying “but there is still so far to go!” -

I began loving the body that I had hated for so long.

Now, what I am about to do is completely out of character for me. Because of my faith, and my calling to be a preacher, I am a firm believer in modesty, and the idea of me in a swimsuit is earthshaking to me. The idea of publicly displaying an accurate picture of me in a swimsuit on the internet for all to see is ludicrous, almost to the point of plaid. (Spaceballs reference, for those who didn’t understand that last one.)

I want to make something very clear before we move on. I am now a woman of integrity. I am not posting these pics to display a sense of anything except encouragement. Please don’t write me and say you think my posting these pictures is completely inappropriate. One of the largest issues I had in the beginning of the diet was I had no idea what size I really was. I would get a picture taken and think “Man that picture was at a bad angle! I look really fat!” Nope, in reality, I was really fat. It wasn’t until one of my friends told me that she was at 204, when I was sitting at 210 that I finally thought- OK, girl, you are about this size. It was an eye opener for me, and finally gave me something to compare myself to in a realistic way. It was very healthy for me.

My hope in posting the pics I have is that someone can look at them and say “Ok, I am about this size” or “I was about that size when I started.” This is not a sexual or attention gratification thing, and if you see it as either of those things, well, quite frankly, you are wrong. All righty, enough disclaimers. Let’s get to this before I chicken out and post more pictures of men’s feet with red toe polish on them. (that cracks me up everytime!)

So these are pics of me from the beginning of January. I was 225 pounds then, and a size 22/24. I had lost some weight from the previous Oct-Dec, but not much, only 13 pounds. I felt miserable, as you maybe can tell by the look on my face. The poor flowers on this suit weren't supposed to look that big, I assure you. But that was THEN.

And this is WOW. (I mean now!)

I was surprised to say the least. So, one of the most awesome things about taking pictures (disgusting as they may be) is to see the huge difference in the tummy area. Apparently it was not the shirt that made me look pregnant. It was the Ben and Jerry's within.

I know that the wow/now pics aren't great, and I am still 60 pounds from where I want to be. However, I can rejoice that the change thus far has been massive. Because my husband is a photoshop genius, last night he was able to lay the really fat picture under the not-so-fat picture and show the difference between the 2 photos. When I looked at the finished product this morning, I was nothing short of astounded. I could not believe the difference you could see between the pics, just 5 months apart. Can you see the difference?

So while I was busy whining about cheating on donuts and freaking out about not being under 200, my body had an agenda all it's own. It was slowly morphing into a much better version of me than I ever thought possible! I am not getting biggest loser results in 12 weeks. But after seeing these pictures (with white/blue unsunned legs and all) I realized that I am doing what is best for my body. If slow and steady will lead to a healthier me, then I need to stick with what I am doing.

And now, my dear shrinkites (that's my pet name for you all- like a Biblical equivalent of Jebusites or more modern day Mennonites. It was either that or the shrinkonians), it is your turn. You don't have to send me pictures, but I would love to know about your goals, your victories, and your struggles. Trust me on this guys, there is something freeing about admitting out loud where you are on your journey, and telling someone who understands. If you don't think I understand, look again at the pictures from January. I DO UNDERSTAND. Any thing you send me (at oscbb@yahoo.com ) will be kept confidential (unless you specify otherwise) and it will be between you and me only. I'm not asking you to do this because I am nosy, but because I want you to experience the same success that I did when I "confessed" where I was to you. I want you to be liberated from hating your body, and find a peace with your physical state that is in transition.

I want to take you with me to the land of Shrinkage, where skim milk and splenda flows!