Stuck in the Middle with You!

The only thing I am losing lately is motivation. Yep, I am stalled out again. Although I am stalled out at a lower weight than I was before, and lower than I have been for years, as it were. I am stuck at 200 pounds even.

I have tried everything to get under that not so magical number. Well, I should say I have tried everything that doesn’t require wheat germ, toilets or sweat. I seem to have an aversion to doing that which will make me hurt the next day, including everything but my “Fat Girl Yoga” dvd. Even that has been cast aside because there is not a clean spot in the living room to do it.

So what in the world is holding me back? We discussed this a little in my confessions, but we never got to the real problem, OR solution. (I really could care less about the problem, as I am only interested in how to fix it.) But, my sweet friends, life does not work like that, and I am sure you all know that. We have to figure out the issue before we can move on to smaller and better things. So we are going to muse for a few moments, as I ramble through all my deep dark feelings about being fat, and see if we can’t resolve one or two. My goal in doing this is to not only help myself, but maybe some other dieters out there who have fallen off the wagon. You guys write to me about the same stuff I deal with, and the internet is cheaper than therapy, so I say we do this together! Are you ready? Hang onto your girdles, girls, cause here we go!

Excuse #1- I have been fat all my life, and it’s not going to change.
Ok, coming from a life long fatty, I can relate. I was skinny till I was 8, and got put in a school where I was the underdog. I was miserable, and once I learned to read big thick chapter books, I sat and read while munching on chips. Before I knew what had happened, not only was I the underdog, but I was the FAT underdog. I stayed in this position until…well, I am still in this position, but that is not the point. The point is that we change jobs, get married, get divorced, we even change our hair color! (Heck, I’ve colored my hair for so many years I have no recollection or idea what the real color looks like! Although I’m pretty sure there is grey now. I have children.) So, we make these huge life altering decisions, and they are not made overnight. We have to work for them. When you get a new job, you have applied for it first, made yourself stand out among all the other candidates, interviewed like a pro, and then negotiate your salary before you even get there. If the old job was perfect, you wouldn’t have applied for the new one, right? So your body needs a new job, plain and simple. Yes, it has already been trained to be fat and lazy. Yes, that first day on the job is going to be really hard and scary. But, sweethearts…that new job for your body has way better benefits than the old one. And once you are fully trained, that new job is going to seem really easy. Not to mention that your body will be lengthening its retirement benefits by lowering your cholesterol, shooing away diabetes, and even extending the life and usage of our joints. So you have been fat forever. So what? Today is not forever, my friend. You can’t change yesterday, but you can stand up today with brave face and get to it!

Excuse #2- I am too busy to worry about my diet right now, and don’t have time to exercise. Oh, this one is a fun one. We are all incredibly busy, and no one really has time for anything. I even have neglected this blog for over a month because I am so flipping busy. However, knowing how many of you are at that "BLAH" point (I am too, believe me), I decided to forgo housework today and talk to you. I think when we look at everything as a whole, it seems too involved. We have to count out portions, pack lunches, ignore family and loved ones to make time for exercise, etc. Dieting IS time consuming, I’ll give you that. But it is also about making good healthy choices in the moment. Regular or diet? Diet or water? Fries or salad? Elevator or stairs? Do you see? In the split second that we make decisions like that, we can change our lives drastically, by putting good things in, moving our body, and walking past that office birthday cake. I know that we don’t have hours to put into dieting, but I promise you that you have split seconds to turn your life around.

Excuse #3- This is going to slow for me. I need immediate results, and I am not thrilled about how long this is going to take! Have you ever tried to grow out your bangs? This is the hardest thing a woman can do. You all know that your bangs get to a point where they are not long, but they are not short. They are at that wretched in between stage when you can’t do anything with them. Does everybody know what I am talking about? It takes time to grow them out, no matter what you do. Usually, when mine are growing out and they get to that in between stage, I whack them off even shorter before. Do you know why? Because they get into my eyes and it makes me nuts (nuttier than before, anyway), so off they go! Alright, you are dieting. You have seen some results, but you are still far from a size 6. Just look at it this way. This is the annoying stage when your diet is getting in your eyes. It bothers you, and you really can’t do anything but keep going and say “the heck with it!” If you cut it off now, you will never see how far it is going to go and how awesome it will look when you hit goal. So, put the cupcakes down, and pick the dumb bell up. Start banging out some jumping jacks, and get through this, one step at a time!

Excuse #4- I have too much weight to lose. It’s overwhelming! OK, when this whole dieting adventure started, my waistline could have gotten a senior citizen discount. It was awful. I had one pair of jeans that fit me, and they were a whopping size 26. I fit my 55 inch waist in those puppies, and they were snug. I know what it feels like to have over 100 pounds to lose. I started this journey at 238 pounds, and that was the number I got before I stopped weighing myself. So I know how this feels, like it is just too much to handle. But you have to start somewhere, before you become the subject of a half-ton special on TLC. SO- why not here? Why not today? I have talked about little decisions, and life changing steps that take time. The clock has to begin sometime. Since I started dieting, I have lost 38 pounds, and happily report that my waist is a svelte 38.5 inches. That is 16 and a half inches I have lost on my WAIST! It felt like a lot to begin with, and it was painful to see how far I had to go. But I committed to drive on this trip, and not fly. It’s important that I keep pressing the gas pedal and steer toward Disneyland. I may only be half way there, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to turn around and go home!

Excuse #5- I have gained back all the weight I previously lost, so that means I am a total failure. Dieting again is only going to lead to disappointment and will prove that I can’t do it! First of all, you have proven that you can do this already! You lost it once, you can do it again! Just because you fall down doesn’t mean you get to wallow on the ground in your misery. It means that you got to take a breather, and now you must get back up and run for your goal! Everybody feels like a failure at something. Mine are too many to list, but include dieting, housework, math…I could go on and on! If you are going to be a quitter, be a quitter at something worthwhile- quit allowing yourself to be the fat you. One of the best things I ever did was make my husband change my nickname. He used to call me SB- Sugar Butt. I now make him call me SB- Skinny Butt. The mental reinforcements are key to your success. If you keep telling yourself that this is impossible, then it will be! But if you start telling yourself that you are beautiful (or handsome for you fellas), that you are capable, and your body is changing at this very moment, you are going to trick yourself into being successful! Once it starts, and you see small results, then you will be back on track. Take measurements, grab a friend who is dieting and walk, let someone know what your weight is to hold you accountable! These things will help you in the long run as you push yourself out of your comfort zone. Dieting is not about comfort. It is about allowing you to be the best you that you can be! That is going to take some commitment, and failure will only cling to you as long as you let it. So, get up! Shake it off! And know that I believe in you. We can do this. I know we can!

Excuse #6- Charlie, I don’t need to lose weight! I only read the blog because it is incredibly funny and you are so gosh darn talented! Then I suggest you go home, eat 10 boxes of Twinkies and a bucket of lard every day for the next week, and quit making the rest of us look fat! But keep reading the blog, cause you’ll need it after that lard hits your thighs!

I hope that this helps you fellow calorie counters out there. I want you all to know that no matter what you are facing, you are not alone! You are not fighting this fight by yourself, and I am here to help, however I can!

I want to thank you all for your emails, updates on your own journeys, and your encouraging words through comments on the blog and facebook. Your friendships are vital to my success, and I promise to keep you all in the loop of my own travels in diet land, as I push ahead in the land of “Under 200 pounds at last!” Yep. It’s gonna happen very very very soon, I just know it!

Until then….