The Real Song

I have once again neglected getting caught up on my blog.

I kinda suck like that.

But things are going ok round here.

Pretend baby bump is starting to unswell (a little) and as it turns out, my Gma Bush used to get a swollen tummy when she was stressed to the nines. So this weird condition might be genetic.

Kids are busy as heck, and keep me running round to showchoir rehearsals and playing chauffeur. Also, Amy, our oldest, now has braces, so we are broke.

Matt is busy directing Sweeny Todd, a dark musical about a razor slinging barber inflicting his own brand of justice on the world. We are doing lots of experiments with fake blood. And it’s awesome.

And my weight is holding consistently between 145 and 148.

So that’s the basic stuff. The life bits that are keeping me from blogging.

But the exciting news?

I’M GETTING A PIANO.

Not a junkie free piano that sounds like its previous life was lived in a honkey tonk. Nope, a bonafide studio piano that has a beautiful sound and is in mint condition. It’s also free, an added bonus both Matt and I appreciate.

So after trying to figure things out as far as “do we have room for a piano” and “how are we going to move it” it finally seemed both best for us and the party who is giving us Beauty (yes, that’s the piano’s name. We name everything around here. Including the dog toys. They are all named Steve. Long Steve, Mini Steve, Christmas Steve, Ball Steve…. You get the picture.) if Beauty was moved by a professional. We don’t have to do a thing but unlock the door and have her brought in. Which is far less stressful than getting a group of folks together to move her. WORTH EVERY PENNY!

Having a piano in the house is one of those things I’ve always wanted. One that’s in tune and I can plunk around on. I own a keyboard, and it’s useful for some things. But it doesn’t have the same sound as a piano. It’s almost like after playing on a piano, the keyboard sounds counterfeit. It sort of feels like you are playing the right notes, but there is something magical that’s missing.

That’s how my life has been for the past few years. Counterfeit. I was playing all the right notes, but something was still missing.

It wasn’t until I started to lose weight and delve into the “deep forgotten parts of Charlie” that I realized my song sounded so empty. I did all the same things I do now, volunteer at the kids’ schools, acted on stage, wrote music, lived my life…

but now…

NOW!

Now my life is filled with hope and joy. Not because I have battled against fat and won (or mostly won- these last few pounds are taking forever!) but because I have faced the deepest depths of who I am. I brought it out into the light of day, shared it with you, and owned up to it.

Emotional pain. Battle scars. Fears. Brokenness. Shredded self esteems. Neurosis. HURT.

I picked up those pieces of me that were once hidden, and shared them with you. More importantly, I made it ok for me to not be perfect anymore. I went from living counterfeit, acting like nothing was wrong, to admitting that life was less than great, and “fighting my weigh” through it all.

Maybe you are dealing with some counterfeit issues in your life too. Maybe there are some parts that leave you gasping for breath from carrying the weight of it all. Not just your personal weight. The weight of your life. The weight of your image. The weight of it all.

I would love to tell you that I flipped a switch and it all got easy. But that is not the case. And it won’t be the case for you, either. If you are waiting for that switch to flip, get comfortable- you are going to be there a while.

Instead, you have to make the choice to change. It’s all up to you. You can read all the blogs, articles, medical journals, organizational help you want. But reading the answers and being inspired won’t do a thing unless you get up and put it into action.

“It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years -- we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on.”  - Sharon Salzberg

Today, I am asking you to do one thing.

Love yourself.

Take the time to tell yourself what a rich and blessed person you are. Embrace ALL of you. Even the bits you don’t like. The parts you are desperate to change. Love it all.

Because the person you are today can dictate who you become tomorrow. I for one, want to use who I am today to inspire the me of tomorrow. To produce big changes.

I’m done with the counterfeit life. Even if I hit a few bad notes here and there, I’m happy to play the real thing. Unpolished, unpracticed, and filled with the magic of Beauty.

(And I’ll get better about blogging more frequently. I hope this post was worth the wait!!!)