Sunday, July 18

Things are just BULLY

Nobody likes a bully. It amazes me how as adults we still deal with bullies. Maybe you have someone in your office, a sibling or relation. Maybe you are married to a bully. Or maybe you divorced one. No matter who they are, bullies can rattle you to your core.

If you haven’t guessed yet, I happen to be dealing with a bully right now. Don’t worry. Matt and I aren’t having issues with each other. It’s a much bigger bully lurking in our life.

Bullies are people who can’t take no for an answer. They can’t allow you to make your own decisions, to stand up for yourself, or to question their judgement. Bullies like a good fight, and to come out with the other guy crying “UNCLE!”

The major issue with a bully is control. They like to know that if they say jump, we say, “How high?” They want to know that if they ask for your milk money today and you give it up, they can get it tomorrow too. Sometimes there is just no reasoning with a bully.

And in dealing with my bully over the weekend, it got me to thinking.

Am I a diet bully to myself?

I know, this sounds like a weird question. But as I mulled it over, I realized that sometimes I put ridiculous stipulations on myself. “You shall forever abandon cake. Domino’s bread bowl pastas will make you fail and if you eat them, you are a gonner. Once you hit a certain weight, you will find it impossible to get under that.” That’s the self talk I seem to discuss a lot in my head.

Sometimes, I bully myself into thinking that there are some choices you can never recover from. It’s a psychological predicament, bullying one’s self. But as dieters, we do it a lot.

How many times have you tried to start fresh with a diet on Monday, blown it by Tuesday, then gone back to your old ways by Wednesday? How many times have we stepped on the scale and beaten ourselves up? I’ve done it all time and time again.

In my personal life, as a proud survivor of domestic violence, I have learned that if you let someone bully you, they will keep doing it. You have to draw the line in the sand (and sometimes, that line has got to be embedded in concrete) and stop rolling over. It takes courage to get out from under a bully. It’s scary. You often don’t know how to tell a bully to “KNOCK IT OFF.”
For me, it was realizing at the local women’s shelter that no matter what, I was going to protect the ones I love- my kids. It took the realization that they weren’t ever going to be safe until I stopped the bully to change my reactions. The second chances stopped. The emotional and physical abuse ended. When I pulled myself up out of that situation, and saw what kind of a life was really out there waiting for me, I realized that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. I could stop a bully. I could be strong and unyielding, and do anything I needed to in order to keep my children safe.

So in your dieting life, who is really in control? Are you being bullied?

Unfortunately, my diet life has not been quite so easy to deal with. I bully myself about the weight. I let the temptations of food bully me. I get pushed around by my cravings and moods and emotions. (Before you even ask, I emotional ate this weekend cause of my returning bully. Plus Aunt Flow is here visiting. I wish I didn’t have to say 185, but I do. However, I get a 5 pound handicap/bonus for honesty, right???)

Tonight, as I was out in my quiet spot, praying for guidance about the situation I am in, I realized that God gave me a wonderful gift when I came out of my abusive situation. He gave me SCRAP. Yep, I walked out of that terrible situation willing to go to the mats for my kids. I became scrappy. Unafraid to stand up to a bully who seems so much bigger than me. I figured out that all my Goliath needed was for me to pick up a rock and go for it.

And I think (as is my usual custom) that I can finally see the diet that way too. I don’t NEED icing or cake batter or bacon. Those things bully my resolve. What I need is to get scrappy again. I must see my weight as this big shadow looming over the life I really want. And I need to go to the mats. To fight for the things I know are right. Healthy. Will burn calories.

Fear of failure is no longer an option for me. I want to know that my body is safe, that I am fighting things like diabetes and heart failure. I have to focus on the fact that no one else is going to stand up to my bullies except for that little part of me that sees the light at the end of the fat tunnel. I’m picking up my scrap and jumping back on board.

And I think Monday is a good day to come out swinging. What do you say?


Robin said...

I just found your website this morning and I love your honesty in dealing with so many real issues. I got on the scales yesterday and just died when I saw it said 175.8.. I have never been this big and I am ready to make a change today!!! I am here to start WW today, 7/19/10 with you. If your willing to work so I'm I. Time to take control and make it happen. Thank your so much for writing what is in your heart..

Angela Pea said...

I'm so tickled your Scrappiness is showing herself once again! She can help you tell your Inner Brat to GO AWAY!

I was a slug yesterday...sat and knitted all day long to finish a pink prayer shawl for a friend who is having a masectomy on Wednesday. It needs to be shipped out today.

Big Hugs to you today, and continued prayers for your needs.

Angela Pea said...

Hey Charlie!

It's Wednesday - Hope you're still taking swings at that Bully. Kick her behind to the curb!

I totally get fighting for our own health. Nobody else is going to do it for us!

Hang in there. I'm still praying for you!

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