I hit 178 this week.
7 pounds of total stress eating weight.
I could be ashamed. I could be upset. But I'm really not all that worried. It's mostly carb weight, and I've got it back down to 174.6 today. The next 4 will come off easily, if I keep myself together. So that's what I'm trying to do.
Eating really is my go to soother. When I hit primal states of being- complete fear, devestating loss, etc., I EAT. And I am learning to accept that about myself.
When my Grandma Bush died, it was a Sunday. And that day, I didn't cry. I ate. I ate until I threw up. Because I was hitting a primal state. I had no other way to control my emotions, save eating.
And on Christmas day, dropping off my kids to go to Arizona for a week, I hit that same primal state. Total fear. My kids have NEVER been so far away from me as they are now. And I panicked. So I ate. For 2 days I ate like mad. I prayed and I ate.
I'm not going to try and figure out why that's my knee jerk response to extreme conditions. I'm just going to accept it for what it is. My primal instinct. It stinks, but it is what it is. And am thankful I have very few days when I feel like this. Today, when I am feeling better about things, I'm going right back to what I know. Healthy eating, proper portions, and control. I can't be perfect all the time. But I can be thankful most days aren't primal days.
So, it's on to the plans for the new year. Can I actually hit 169? I have 3 days, and I'm pretty sure I can do it. I can at least get close. Close is really all I need. I am mentally preparing myself to go the distance this year. I have a new accountability partner for my quest (an old crush named Stephan who's a fitness coach now) and we are working on a plan together to get me to 138 in 2011. I'm helping Jia with out the Dirty Diet, a diet plan tailor made for her, I still have McMuscles, and as always- blogging blogging blogging.
This blog is my life line. It helps ground me to what I need to do. It makes me think about what is really important for me. The power of a blog is incredible. It's a gift, and I want to share that gift with you. Not only with my blog, but your blog too!
In order for me to share that gift, I made a deal with my kick a$$ blog designer, April, and we are going to give away a blog makeover!!! You can read all about it on January 3rd. So make sure you come back to get the details. It's my gift to you. To start someone off on the right foot into a new life of health and weight loss.
This week didn't exactly go as planned. But I'm getting through. And that's really all that counts. But in 2011, I am taking this diet by the horns, and riding it to the finish line.
Stick with me. We are going to see the end this year.
8 comments:
I love what you said about NOT trying to figure it out...you just recognize it is how you are. I can totally relate. I was in my 20's in the 80's when we had to "figure it out" and "blame" someone...never got me anywhere. Like you, I have accepted I find comfort in food and when I am done comforting I will just go back to what I know I should do. No guilt, no shame… just move on. I have also learned it really doesn't matter WHAT I eat, I am just happy to eat. So sometimes I will actually binge on "healthy" food. Weird isn't it!
Thank you for your blog...I am a new reader and have enjoyed your insights and support on my own quest!!
So many bloggers this week talking about how they are up in pounds after the holidays, you are an amazing woman and you will turn it around and "figure it out".
You are an inspiration!
Hey Chickie! I've been thinking about you and praying like crazy.
Even I, the inestimable Angela Pea, have gained a few Christmas pounds. Just a few, like 2.5 to be exact. So what am I doing about it? Adding a little bit more by eating sushi for lunch today. LOL!!
I've been trying to think of something positive to point out to you about the Kids being gone, and I finally have one. A good one. A really good one.
W.M.S. Wild Monkey Sex. Anyhwere in the house. Because there aren't little eyes or ears present.
*SWAK*!
Totally love you saying you're not trying to figure out the WHY. I wish I would have written it first. It's true - I don't really always care WHY, and I don't always think that is necessary to change.
Sometimes we just need to stop. Put the fork down. Who cares why?
PS: 2011 is our year.
I'm a fairly new follower and I just have to say that you inspire me! I've finally decided after 4 years of going in the wrong direction that 2011 is going to be my year!
Thanks for putting it all out there and giving me the courage to get off my butt and make a change!
-Julie
First things first, you are an amazing woman...perfect or not....and I think the fact that you are so down to earth and that you don't strive for perfection is what makes you so amazing! So what, you ate a little more bad stuff than usual, it's not a felony (which you very likely could have committed in your state right?) ;) it's not the end of the world and your friends don't think any less of you for it. Like I said, you're amazing! Simply Awesome! Still keeping you and the littles in my thoughts a prayers! If you need anything to get you through the last few hours I'm right around the corner...love ya woman! :)
oh love they will be great and you will get back on track because you know how to work it!!
excited for your new year accomplishments!!
I agree with Ms. Angela Pea!!
What a better way to get in a good cardio session than with WMS? LOL See--this is where yoga helps, ladies!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
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