Sunday, October 4


It all started with my favorite pair of shoes. I love these dumb things, and I only wear them on special occasions. And my nephew’s 3rd birthday bash was just such an occasion.

It also meant that I was going to have to get a different outfit. I am slowly slipping out of the clothes I have, and I needed something with style. Fashion bug had this great deal that you could get clothes for $4, and that is most definitely in my price range. And I just happen to find a pair of jeans that made me look long and lean, and a vest to match. I had this cute black and white stripe shirt that I had purchased a month back at Family Dollar for $2 that would be perfect under the vest. But the jeans were a touch too long, because they didn’t have the petite length I needed. So I had to wear heels or the whole long and lean look would be bunched together at my ankles. And if I’m wearing black and white, then my favorite homemade decoupaged shoes were the only choice that would be the wow statement I was looking for.

As I put the finishing touches on getting dressed before our 2 hour car ride, I ran into the kitchen to get another cup of coffee. That was when Matt, with a goofy grin and one eyebrow raised for emphasis, hit me with these words.

“Wow, babe, you look thinner today than the day I met you.”

OK, now most of you know that I am a woman of passion. I get passionate about all kinds of things. But those words were enough to stop this girl dead in her high heeled tracks and made me want to grab him by the face and kiss him into eternity. But we didn’t have time for that, because we had long car trip ahead of us and had to get on the road. Those words would make me sqirm in my seat the entire day.

We got to Indianapolis without a hitch. I haven’t seen a lot of Matt’s family for a good amount of time, which meant that I had lost weight since last time we got together. The heels I was wearing (plus the girdle holding in my tummy) reminded me to stand up straight and proud. Matt and I were flirty all day, coyly holding hands under the table and stealing away in other rooms to sneak kisses. C’mon, people, he told me I looked thinner than he had ever seen me. What would you expect me to do? Ignore a comment like that and act like normal married people? Heck no, the gloves were off, and were dancing the romance dance all day long.

The adorable nephew was highly overstimulated during his party, as any 3 year old hopped up on birthday cake, sugar and chaos will be, and he was beyond funny. He even loved Matt’s gag present to him- a framed picture of the little guy’s “favorite” uncle- my sweet Matt. Here’s the picture. It made the fella dance up and down and scream “Unka Gee, Unka Gee!” (which is what he fondly calls Matt.)

And the entire day was a blast. Until I realized that the shoes weren’t having as much fun as the rest of us were. In fact, the shoes, which I never dared wear for such a long stretch, were complaining by rubbing the balls of my feet, just under the toes.

Have you ever heard the old saying that if you have big problems you want to forget about then put on a pair of shoes that are too tight? Well, that saying couldn’t be more true. By 5 o’clock, my 7th hour into wearing my black and white beauties, my feet were screaming. And no amount of flirting with my husband could make me forget it.

So I started hinting around to Matt that we should be taking off soon. All I could think about was getting those shoes off before I blistered the part of my foot that was so involved in walking 5 miles during exercise time. But Matt, thoroughly having fun talking (yeah, he’s a talker) seemed to not hear me. So I started giving him “the look.”

The look is an art form, to say the least. All of you wives know what the look is, but it also progresses drastically as the husband doesn’t get it. Let me explain.

Charlie’s Look 1- Hey, babe, we probably need to head out to the van soon. It’s about that time for us to go.

Matt’s rebuttal look to Look 1- Aren’t we having fun?

Charlie’s Look 2- Seriously, sweets, we should go soon.

Matt’s Look 2- Ah, this sure is great that we can sit and talk for hours! There’s still so much to say!

Charlie’s Look 3- Matt, my feet hurt and I want to go home!

Matt’s Look 3- I’m sure you are trying to tell me something, but I don’t get it. I’ll keep talking and start another very interesting part of the conversation that wild horses couldn’t drag me out of.

Charlie’s Look 4- Dang it, man, my feet are blistering. I need to take my shoes off so we can go, because if I take them off in the house, I’ll have to walk out in the cold rain barefoot because once they are off they won’t go back on without really hurting me!

Matt’s Look 4- Isn’t this fun?

Charlie’s Look 5- Listen, buster, you aren’t going to reap the rewards of all our flirting if you get a hernia because you have to carry me into the house because my feet fell off in the van. Let’s move.

Matt’s look 5- Charlie, you look weird. Is there something in your eye? Are your contacts drying up?

Charlie’s Look 6- I am going to start crying like a baby if we don’t leave in the next 10 minutes.

Matt’s Look 6- Wait a minute. I've seen that look on you before. Is something wrong?

Charlie’s Look 7- Yes, something is wrong! I WANNA GO HOME!

Matt’s Look 7- Oh, you want to go home? Ok, we will leave in the next hour or so.

Charlie’s Look 8- I can’t stand to be here another hour. I love your family to death, and they are wonderful, but my feet hurt and we need to go NOW!

Matt’s Look 8- Isn’t this fun?

At this point, I realized that non-verbal communication was getting us nowhere. I finally said out loud, “Hey, babe, we really should get a move on. The kids will need to eat soon, and it’s time.”

Once we were finally in the van, 45 minutes later, Matt said, “Hey, what was that all about?”

“Well, my feet hurt, and we have a long drive ahead of us, and I was hoping to walk tonight, and your sister is pregnant and I’m sure she is getting tired because they had a lot to do before the party and we really needed to get out of there so they could wind things down and get some rest. Plus your nephew was getting really sleepy and he missed his afternoon nap and was running on empty.”

Matt looked at me with a sideways glance and said, “Oh, I didn’t think of that. OK, then, we are on our way!”

Apparently, I need to work on my looks. Sitting in the van, I removed my beautiful shoes to reveal a HUGE blister on the side of my foot, right where I try to avoid getting corns, and rubbed the spot with a gentle hand. The sound of the windshield wipers swooshing as the rain outside poured down was comforting.

Matt, being the loving husband he is, said “Well, we better hurry home if you are going to get your 5 mile walk in.”

As I swatted him in the arm, the van swerved to the left a little.

Today, the morning after, the foot is better, but my tennis shoes still not fitting right. The 5 mile walk may be painful tomorrow night.

The price we pay for beauty, huh?

1 comment:

Lee Ann said...

The most important thing learned out of all this is...

Those shoes are fierce!

There was a character Billy Crystal used to do on SNL named Fernando. He used to always say, "You look marvelous, absolutely marvelous." And, "It's better to look good than to feel good my darling."

But seriously, I've been there with the sore feet. OUCH! Hope your feet are back to normal soon.

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