Well, I have to tell you that this has been one of the highest AND lowest weeks of my diet so far. I did something miraculous early on Monday- I actually weighed 175.6 and was 3 pounds less than Matt.
Then, the Olive Garden happened.
My Mom, Margaret the saint, had the best of intentions as she took me and the 3 kids on Tuesday afternoon to the Garden, and I didn’t over do it at all. Or so I thought, till I weighed myself later on that day.
Ug! Right back up there where I don’t need to be. And it seemed to hold me there for the rest of this week. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get back down to that 175 I had been aching for.
I know you all love me to pieces, and that is the only reason why I am about to share the next statement.
Prepare for Ugly Truths ahead.
I struggle with the thought of diet pills.
Whether it’s Dexatrim, Slimquick, or even the pills I got last year off the internet in desperation, I want so badly to take them.
But I don’t.
I dream that I will take a week’s worth of capsules and be past this plateau that keeps haunting me.
But I won’t.
Maybe it’s the commercials I see every day for a quick answer. Maybe it’s just lazyness and the fact that walking leaves me sore every night. Or maybe it’s just that I am sick of broccoli.
But I resist, every day.
I made a commitment in the beginning that if I was going to do this crazy diet thing, just one more time, I would do it only by my own sheer will. (And the help of God, cause I couldn’t have done it without Him.) But that means no pills, no gimmicks, no cheating by way of science or nutrition. No surgeries, no throwing up (although to be honest, I’ve had to fight that urge too, especially after a particularly crap meal), no starving myself.
That means facing food and exercise head on, and not ever taking a short cut. (I admit, the colon cleanse was interesting, but I really don’t consider that a dieting ploy. That’s just good health, people.)
So today, as I looked at the scale in disgust after walking 18 miles so far this week with no response from the scale, I once again had to fight the urge… “It sure would be easy if I could just take some pills.”
Yep. It sure would be. It would be great if I could just down some drugs and move on with the weight loss. It would be great if I could bypass all the self-doubt and disappointment I face every day as I struggle through this rough time of being stuck. If I could just throw it up, if I could just not eat at all…these are the things I am beginning to really fight.
At this point in the game, I wonder how much more I can lose. And I really want to know. But am I willing to do it with the assistance of chemicals and completely resign to my “need it now” attitude?
No. I won’t. Because the questions would remain: “Could I have done it all on my own? Would it feel better knowing I had done it without taking the short cut? If I hadn’t given in, what could I have accomplished?”
I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, but I think that we need to talk about the raw emotional truths that everyone goes through. I know I am not the first person to struggle with these thoughts, and I want to know that this is an open forum to discuss these things.
So, although I am disappointed with the end of the week’s results on the scale, I’m going to continue to push through this, keep walking, and most of all-
I’m going to keep believing that I can do this. I can achieve this weight loss if I work hard, stay motivated through the rough times, and keep walking forward.
What are some struggles you guys are having with dieting? How do you keep yourselves from getting discouraged? What gets you through the disappointment?
tales of the cupcake part one
3 hours ago