Wednesday, October 7

Little pig, little pig, let me in!

Tonight I was doing the usual check yourself out in the mirror game. I love watching the body change as it goes from fat to less fat. And I noticed that the chin has gone through some dramatic transitions.

Here’s me (with no makeup on and feeling quite pathetic) in January of this year.

Now, here’s me, on October 7th, looking somewhat different. Albeit still no makeup.

I was so surprised at what has happened over the last 10 months! I actually had a jaw line under there! Who knew?

Until, I realized on the first picture taken tonight (not shown here) that a long black hair had mysteriously grown on my chin. Like a proud whisker attempting to get other hairs to join in the fun and drive me to madness.

Now, I have accepted the fact that I am getting older. No problem. I am more than a year past my 20’s, and it’s all right.

(Brace yourself. Unfiltered Charlie thoughts to follow. You have been warned.)

But why is it that now I have to add insult to injury with random pubic hairs on my chin?

At least I understand the path they take. It starts on the goodie patch. The constituents residing there take a vote.

“All in favor of turning white and seeing how bad she freaks out tomorrow morning, say aye!”

92% are in favor.

“All those opposed, say nay!”

And the poor 8% who are unyielding to change are sent abroad.

Abroad being my belly button. Which is where they stay until they can find a more permanent place to reside. Or I get the tweezers out while I’m on the pot and pluck them out. (DO NOT EVER SHAVE YOUR BELLYBUTTON. EVER.)


Once they realize that the belly button is no longer the safe haven it once was, they start to migrate up, maintaining their dark mysterious appearance. They also straighten up along the way. I have found them on my shoulders, my tummy, and even once on my boob. But they are all migrating solo, and once I find each brave little lonely hair, the tweezers attack.

Finally, 4 lucky ones wind up on my face. I have 2 that persistently grow front and center on my chin every 3-4 weeks, in the exact same spot, like a Howard Johnson for wayward hairs. Yeah, apparently I left the light on.

The other 2 are placed exactly where I cannot see them or notice them until I am somewhere in the sunshine. It also seems to always be in a crowded area filled with people I know. Now, one is directly on the left side of my face. What I can’t understand is how did I apply my makeup without noticing that inch long rouge? Did it grow immediately after I walked away from the mirror that morning? Was there something in my Oil of Olay that resembles Miracle Grow?

The other one is about 3 inches below the hair on the left side of my face. I’m actually happy about this, because 10 months ago, it was on my face/double plus chin. Lately, it grows on the underside of my chin/neck. So I’m not going to gripe about that one. It’s fun to see how far onto my neck the dumb thing grows now.

But the worst part of all is that these hairs, wherever they land, are impossible to pull out with your fingers. You can’t yank on them, because they are jammed in the follicle with the body’s equivalent of super glue. The only way to attack these pesky boogers is with a tweezer, which I never seem to have with me at the moment of discovery. I keep telling myself to leave a set in the car, so when the sunshine hits and that black beauty starts sparkling on the side of my face like a diamond, I can remove it before anyone else notices. But that hasn’t happened yet. SO instead, I pull and yank and claw at the thing until I have a huge red spot on the spot that further highlights the location of said pube on the face.

All of this to tell you that I retook the pictures of my chin tonight, once the hair was plucked out. I just wanted you to know, in case it has happened to you, that you are not alone. I wanted to let you in on my secret.

‘Bout the hair on my chinny chin chin.


Mark and Joy said...

I keep a small pair of scissors in the car for the same reason :) Always seem to look in the rear view mirror and find "whiskers" growing-lol! Most of mine are blonde, however in the last few years, some have turned red- SO aggravating!

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

You are too much! Apparently you DID order that chin shrinker from the infomercial... or whatever that thing is called.
And I have a friend whose kids ratted her out to me about tweezing eyebrows at stop lights. But she rightfully admitted that natural light is a huge help. So I might have to go with that soon... if only I didn't have to keep those tweezers handy in the house for my hubs.
That's a whole different ball of wax...

Unreasonable Grace said...

Charlie, you are an absolute RIOT! I have the same dilemma with the pubes. Same place 2-3 weeks later. Can't see them until they are an inch long. Never have the tweezers when I discover one at work or in the car. I share your pain sista! BTW, I'm just now getting around to visiting all the blogs I picked up cards for at She Speaks blogger mixer. I wish I'd gotten around to visiting yours much sooner!
See ya sooner than later! Hey, share those Krispy Kremes will ya?

Lindsey @ A New Life said...

You are too funny!! And you actually make me laugh which is quite the feat. I am known for a complete inability to get jokes or find humor in anything....WAY to serious over here :-) I don't even think "The Office" is funny!

Love you!

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