Monday, October 11

The Sky is Falling!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m not exactly sure what has gotten into me lately.
I seem to be fighting against something I can’t see. Something so deep inside of me I never realized it was there. I am fighting to get back something I had lost a long time ago as a child and have never seemed to find until now.
I’m fighting for self control.
And if you think this is one of those posts where I’m going to whine and cry about how I blew it over the weekend, you are going to be disappointed, because it isn’t like that. I am fighting for self control by actually having it- a novel concept in my world- and getting rid of my Chicken Little attitude. And it’s a great feeling!This weekend, I walked, I ate well, I walked some more.
And then I ran. A whole mile without even stopping to power walk. I even surprised my big brother, I think.
But I wanted to do it. Sure it hurt like h-e-double-hockey-sticks, yet I kept wanting to go just one more block. Just keep jogging to see what would happen if I did. To see what was on the other side of that elusive rainbow of fitness I keep looking for but never seem to find…
So when it started to burn, and my legs were clomping forward in utter agony, I just reminded myself “I can do anything for 12 minutes” and kept going. I knew as long as I didn’t stop we would make it by 12 minutes.  And we did. Right now I’m not too worried about speed. I’m worried about giving up. Cause that’s what I always seem to do when the going gets painful.

Yet last night, running in the warm Indian summer evening air, the last thing I wanted to do was give up!!! And that is the first time in a long while I have felt like that. There’s an internal fire burning that wasn’t there before. It’s not about running either. It’s about being in control of my physical destiny. Taking charge of my own abilities instead of listening to my mind saying “STOP! Don’t go here! It’s painful and scary!” That voice no longer holds the megaphone in my head.
So I may be a disgruntled runner- a frustrated dieter- a person who has never swam these frightening waters before. But my goal is to get to the land of 160’s before Thanksgiving. As of this morning, I am 7 pounds away from that goal. Much better than my 180s from last week. 177 looks and feels good, especially knowing how I got it.
And here’s how I got it:
I am no longer eating like I am on a “diet,” but am eating like I intend to live for the rest of my life. Portion control. Stopping when I am full. Not counting carbs or calories. Just learning how to skip out of the clean plate club and say ENOUGH.
Walking as often and as much as I can. Last week I got 25.5 miles in. with 2.5 miles of that being attempts to jog. One full mile of running. (GRIN)
By asking God to retake control over my diet life. Not everyone has to take this step, but for me it’s important. In fact, it’s more important than eating right and exercising. When He is in control of me, amazing things happen.
And finally, by learning that pain is NOT the enemy. In fact, it just might be my friend. We have all heard it said that when your muscles want to give up, that’s when real change happens. I think there might be something to this after all, and it may not be the hogwash I once thought it was!
So what should you do? Stop being afraid of the unknown. Oh sure, your heart is going to pound outside your chest with fear, and you will second guess yourself constantly. But take a lesson from this Chicken Little. Do it, and you will figure out it isn’t the sky that is falling.
But the scale will!!! And before you know it, you are one step closer to being a Foxy Loxy!

(Quick update- I just took my measurements for the first time in 2 months. I have lost an overall 9 INCHES!!!! (2.25 on my hips and 1.75 on my waist! LOVE THAT FEELING!!!!)


Anonymous said...

Just read this post and wanted to say I'm proud of you! As a non-exeriser (as you well know) I know how hard it is to just take a walk,let alone walk 25+ miles in a week and then to run on top of it!
My chunky, preggo self is standing here on the sidelines cheering you on! (because I'm already anticipating the post-baby, weight watcher joining I will be doing) ;)

Lauren Thomas said...

I love everything about this post tonight! Everything!!!

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