You got a Lotte 'splaining to do, Lucy!

So if nothing else- Lotte Berk and her DVDs have changed my diet life.

Deep in the last moments of the DVD, right about the point where my unconscious state is the only part that picks up messages, the instructor (who looks remarkably like Sarah Jessica Parker's evil twin sister) challenges you to do the program for 20 days. It's subtle, but it's there. And one way or another, I picked up on that, and am taking her at her word- that I will SEE the difference in 20 days.

Yeah, 20 days of the most excruciating workout possible. Yeah, it really is Charlie typing these words. Tonight will be day 3 of the longest month of my life. I am documenting it because I am horrible at keeping records. (Ironically, that is the same reason I always mention my period on the blog. I now have an accurate record to help me remember my last 8 visits from Aunt Flow...) This way, I know how many days I have left before I either experience amazing results, or can leave a nasty review on Amazon. The rough draft of said nasty review is saved on my hard drive at the moment.

Now, I am sure you are all wondering...if it's so miserable and hard, WHY are you doing it for 20 days? Why not just chuck it out the window and stick with the fat girl yoga DVD?

Very good question!

Reason #1. It is probably good for me. All the hard stuff usually is. Besides building character and being consistent (something I struggle with all the time) it really is making me walk differently. Mostly because I am in pain, but also because the DVD has made me aware of the way I carry myself. I am beginning to think "elegance," which is a word not normally equated with "Charlie." I think about lifting my arms more gracefully, pointing my toes while sitting on the couch, and sitting up straighter. Sure, I still look like a cow on roller skates, but the point is I am trying!

Reason #2. It has changed the way I eat. Sad, but it took a really hard DVD to make me think "Uh, those fries look good, but if they mean I have to do that fricking fracking video for 10 more days to work them off, then I'll pass." Which is nothing short of a miracle.

Reason #3. Matt has taken notice of my rejuvenated attempt at losing weight and is helping me. (Note- I asked him to help) In fact, last night when there was left over Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper left over on the stove when I got home, I started to put it away and he thought I was going to consume it. (Which did cross my mind for a second) He flew into the kitchen and said "DON'T EAT ANY OF THAT! You will undo all the hard work you did today!" That is quite possibly the most wonderful thing he could have done. He was way sexier at that moment than when he gets all spiffed up in his "Nookie" shirt.

Reason #4. Lotte Berk DVDs made me do something I never thought I would do. Purchase specific vitamins for me. Lately, after I ran out of my generic One a Day Walgreen specials, I started taking Matt's, which are specific for men. While I admit that my prostate has never felt healthier, I figured that maybe it was time to get serious about the fitness thing. For real. So this evening, I perused the CVS aisles and bought some daily vitamins that are for supporting "physical and mental energy." Both of which will come in handy to continue for the next 17 days doing Lotte Berk. Physical energy because the DVD is TOUGH. REALLY TOUGH. Mental energy is because I spend at least 30 minutes mentally preparing to do the DVD, and that sucks precious brain power. I don't have as much these days as I used to.

Don't rush out and buy this DVD yet, kids. I'll go first and see if it is worth your 12.99 plus shipping. I say the verdict will be when I measure at the end of the 20 days and then my body will speak for itself (unlike the complaining it is doing right now). But I figured you guys would appreciate an update on my daily humiliation. I mean daily progress.

On another note, I am sorry I haven't posted a video of my own yet. I'll figure something out soon. Maybe Matt can help me whip something together. (It obviously will not involve me eating hamburger helper!)

And finally, I wanted to encourage some of you who are on the fence about your weight loss journey...right now Weight Watchers has a promo going on where you can get a month free. This is a pretty good deal if you decide that you want to go to meetings and see people face to face. As for myself, I did really well using their online program, and that is what I recommend if you are shy like I was and don't want anyone to see what you weigh. It's a lot cheaper than the meetings, and if you need accountability, you know where to find me.

On the floor, immobile from doing my Lotte Berk.