Monday, April 5

The Note Pad

Dear County Market-

I was going to write you a lengthy apology letter yesterday afternoon. Not because I spent a crap ton of money at your store buying healthy and organic food…

And not because I stocked my cupboards with delicious foods that I can actually eat….

And certainly not because of the huge sale you were having on yougurt and I bought 30 containers of it….

But because I thought that I left you a present.

About halfway through the drive home, I realized that I could no longer feel my pad in the location it was supposed to be. And I thought, especially after the Shamwreck Run, that I had left a you a totally disgusting present from the leg of my shortie shorts (which are not so shortie as most young people would wear, but they are short for me.)

And I gotta tell you, County Market, I was praying that it wasn’t so. I was riding home, with my cheeks bright red, thinking of all the aisles I might have “dropped the bomb” on Easter Sunday, when your store was PACKED TO THE GILLS. Who saw it happen? Did they get a manager and point me out? Will I be allowed back into your store? At least 3 weeks out of the month?

Thankfully, I was Diva Cupping it, so it should have been nice and white. But you just never know. Accidents are prone to happen to girls like me, especially when they are focused on healthy food procurement and winning a contest, as I am.

You have no idea how relieved I was to discover (after racing to the bathroom the second I got home) that the pad was safely stuck to the inside of my shorts. I cannot imagine the migratory pattern of the pad, or how it got there, but I was ecstatic to see it stuck on the inside booty of my shorties.

Problem solved, and now I don’t have to send you a letter at all. THANK HEAVENS!!!
Almost sincerely yours-
Charlie, Queen of Mishaps


Leebird said... have I made it almost 40 years without your comedy relief! I love you!

Anonymous said...

After your workout vid. I told my dd that you are one of my heros and I loved you but now i love you even more! Even in depression you bring laughter into my life. Thank you!
Kim in Mid TN
Now I will go back to lurking.

heidi said...

You always bring a HUGE smile to my face because I'm sure I've been there in a similar seems fresh in my head although maybe I've blocked that from memory. LOL I've started my diet and I have lost an amazing 11 lbs. so much more to go but 11 is a big deal in my head. I'm getting measured and I am reducing.

Rachel @ CrazyTown said...

Well thank heavens you didn't have to send that letter out!

Katie said...

First you coupon???? If not, you should!! :)

Second..your "almost" experience sounds like something that would happen to me. I seriously am the one who ALWAYS has female embarrassing things happen to her...when it could never happen to anyone else. Sucks.

I'm glad that you found that thing when you got home though....I can ONLY imagine what would have gone through the minds of people! LOL

marissa said...

oh my gosh that is hysterical. I'd totally be paranoid to. I'm always worried I've got my fly down and even though I constantly check, sometimes it's still down so i don't know what I'd do if I was suspecting a missing pad eek

Missie said...

OMG! I won't be able to comment until I stop laughing!LOL

Amanda said...

I nearly wet myself laughing so much! You have really brightened my day;-D

Unreasonable Grace said...

dang, I've missed your side-splitting missives the last few weeks. will have to go backwards and catch up. it's been frantic here in my little life, but i should be reclaiming a little more time for reading and writing again very soon.
p.s. now i have a template letter to use in case that happens to me!

Orange Juice said...

OK seriously, I have very little.... inhibition when it comes to talking about well stuff like that and yet somehow I just don't think I could see myself every mentioning that. ROTFL you rock! That was freaking hilarious!

Danielle said...

Ahahaha... Can't... Stop... Hahaha!

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