Thursday, August 27

I would like to submit this for your consideration...

Well, I have to tell you- Wednesday didn't go so well, Couch to 5K speaking.

In fact, it didn't go at all. But the Chinese takeout I ordered in its stead was fabulous!

Actually, Wednesday overall was one of those days where you just want to crawl back into bed and start again. But I couldn't, so it had to be dealt with. And I did. With food.

I suppose remembering it today, as I cautiously avoided the scale, the truth is I always turn to food when I am stressed. Instead of thinking about the things that are going on, especially if they are stressful things, I plan what I will eat. I imagine each possibility melting in my mouth until I establish the winner winner chicken dinner. I am pretty sure it is a horrific form of denial. But in moments of stress, turmoil, or horrormoan induced antics, I deem it worth the cost and bury my frustrations with food. And usually a side of gravy.

But there are other things I am able to NOT do, because the cost is so great.

Like if you get caught in a lie. It is so humiliating when someone discovers the truth. It feels like they never look at you the same way again. So I do my absolute best never to lie. And when I do, I approach the person with remorse and ask forgiveness.

Or steal. I don't shoplift, because the fines and fees, not to mention jail time, would really cramp my style and budget. So I dismiss the idea and do without. Or pay for it. Ahem, Matt pays for it.

What about the cost of overeating? Do I truly consider what it actually does?

It causes me humiliation, just like lying. There have been several times I have seen myself in the mirror and felt that old familiar humiliation rise up. Usually it's a 3 way mirror that does it, but I consider that when I am shoveling Lo Mein in my mouth?

It cramps my style. As you all have read, I am a rock and roll and tattoo kind of girl. But I won't get a tattoo on my arm. Not because I think it's wrong or would be trashy. Nope, it's cause my arms are still fat, and I want the tattoo to look good. Plus all the wonderful vintage dresses from the 40's and 50's are not Plus Friendly at all. Give me a full skirt, and I don't look cool. I just look full. So I make myself full to match the inside with the outside.

What about my budget? What is the real cost of overeating and being a bonafide fat chick? Well, we have to shop at overpriced stores where the markup for a few extra yards of fabric is worse than the profit made on name brand purses and shoes. And they don't go with the style of a rock-n-roller like me either. Caftans are not my thing. Not to mention all the extra health care expenses like diabetic testing supplies and surgery for knees that give out under the weight of my indulgence. Or bariatric surgery, should I ever deem that diet and exercise just don't cut it. So I cut a big hunk of pie and let the flakey crust wash away my own feelings of flakeyness at messing up the diet once again.

Well, what isn't cutting it is my resolve. I am not acting like I am a winner winner baked skinless chicken dinner. I am acting like KFC extra crispy with a side of potato salad. And somehow, I have got to rip off the yummy skin and get to the meat of this issue.

I wish I had an answer to share with you about how to not stress eat, but I don't. I can control it sometimes, but on days like yesterday, there's no stopping the reality that food feels good.

Instead of trying to pretend like I have it all together and make the problem worse, I'm not going to offer a solution. Maybe this is one of life's great mysteries that will never be solved. But what I will tell you is that tonight, after the kids are done with chores and are freshly bathed, I am going to get back on that treadmill and run like I was supposed to last night. I'm going to count yesterday as a lost battle, but today I'm going to fight like I didn't lose yesterday. Today, I am once again a winner winner skinelss baked chicken dinner. And steamed broccoli with pretend butter. And an apple.

I guess I am going to go back to my core beliefs and work it harder today.

Considering, my options, this is the way to go.

Getting back on her horse instead of shooting it-



Lee Ann Stoner said...

Don't sweat it sister. It happens. I'm willing to break out an exercise vid with you instead of eating, if you want. Or, just call and vent. I'm in the book.

Good for you though on just getting back on the horse. If you can do that, you're still in the game. I've had a slip-up or two, and I just get back up the next day, or even the next meal.

You have a lot of hands holding you up, and there's no way we'll drop you!

Danielle said...

I love that you are so real, girl. Honestly. I am on the boat with you right now. Like seriously right now. I just got done eating blueberry muffins all warm and LOADED with real butter. Knew I shouldn't have, but man they tasted good.

A word to the wise, which is you! You are striving, girl. You are putting your faith in God and taking each step... the devil does not want this. He wants you to cave and do it more often. We will all stumble and have step-backs... ask God to help you, climb on that horse like you are doing and tell the devil to take his noodles, and muffins, and crusts and eat them himself!

I love ya, girl!

Danielle said...

Just wanted to share what the Devotion for Dieters said this morning.

Jeremiah 30:22
'And ye shall be my people, and I will be your God.'

The covenant that God made was quite simple: He would be God to a group of people who would accept Him and honor Him. God's promises are always simple and straight-forward. There are never strings attached. God will do everything He can to help us deal with this life. He wants to see His children happy and fulfilled. That is why He will help us when we need His comforting strength. Alone, we just don't have what it takes to make it. With God, however, there is no force on Earth great enough to keep us from our goal. Remember God, and truly He will remember you in time of need.

Today's thought: My willpower comes from the strongest power source around!

August Rose said...

Well Sweet Child......
God commands us to RUNNNN the RACEEEE; that means when we fall off the road, horse, diet, the marriage, the whatever we are facing; we are to dust ourselves off, put back on our running shoes and get back to the program. Just because you had a set back doesn't mean you are not going to win the race. When I have a BAD attitude and today and today happens to be one of those days; I pray the Pslams 51; "O'w Lord create in me a new heart and renew a right spirit in me". You see that was all that was wrong with you, O'le Satan knew how to get you down and he knows how to push just those buttons of inferiorness. WE ALL struggle with that. But, I just start saying Lord, it's my attitude and create in me the spirit I am to have. HE'S OUR SAVIOR; GOD CREATED OUR WORLD; HE CAN DO ANYTHING and he can surely help me feel better when I am having one of those days. AND HE CAN YOU TOO. SISTERLY HOLY HUGS TO YOU.

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