A Monday Morning Poem Entitled "Spare Me"

The rain was still soggy, the birds were in flight

But I was not happy to see morning light.

For sleep had not come till at least 3 am,

When Matt shook my side and said “Get up again.”

So less than four hours was all of the rest

I had for myself as I got the kids dressed.

My mom picked up Amy who had to go play-

Attending a band lesson early this day.

Left with just 2 kids, I was right on time,

When Matt left before me I thought all was fine.

Till I walked outside to the van that I hate-

And saw the flat tire. I knew we’d be late.

I got on my cell phone and frantically tried

To catch Matt before he got far from my side.

But apparently he wouldn’t answer the phone-

And left me to deal with flat tires alone.

I desperately searched for the can that we save-

Fix-A-Flat for times we have “Just in case days.”

But the can that I found had been used once before

And I shook it to find out that there was no more.

Right at the moment the cat made her escape,

As I chased after her down, my morning took shape

Of something that’s just like Calamity Jane.

I hate Monday mornings that seem like a pain.

The cat was secure but the tire was not-

So I had to work with the options I’ve got.

I ran to the neighbor who always runs late-

But found she had left her house long before 8.

No one could help me get kids off to school-

And I did the unthinkable. I broke a big rule.

I drove on the flat to the gas station’s lot

Ignoring the warnings I’ve always been taught.

Half way to the destination that I was headed

I called up my husband, his morning I shredded.

For after he answered- I yelled in the phone

“I have a flat tire!” He said “I’ll come home.”

“No need!” I retorted “Now I’m on my way,

But if I never make it, then you’ll have to pay.”

With anger and heat I pulled into the spot

Where I could fill up on some air. NOT.

It took 3 quarters, in the van there were none.

So I did what any other woman would have done.

I dashed inside the station and purchased a pack

Of smokes, making sure I got 3 quarters back.

I filled up the tire and headed to school

And the kids in the back seat knew I had been cruel

To my sweet darling husband- and his only crime

Was that he hadn’t answered my phone call in time.

With a minute to spare the kids got to class,

And I knew that I had been a pain in Matt’s a….

Of course on the way home I was stopped by a train.

What else would happen to Calamity Jane?

For a decade of minutes, just me and my smokes

I wondered how I would tell all of you folks

That I was not perfect this morning at all.

That your fearless leader is quite prone to fall.

After I acted so unlike a lady-

I felt I deserved that I now weigh 180.

A quite fitting end to this horrible tale

Of how a flat tire led this girl to fail.

I must clean the house now to help change the fate

Of the way that I spoke so unkind to my mate.

I hope that he reads this to hear my remorse-

And you heard it all here, coming straight from the source.


Matt, I’m sorry I was a witch this morning. Please forgive me.
Love-
SB