The rain was still soggy, the birds were in flight
But I was not happy to see morning light.
For sleep had not come till at least 3 am,
When Matt shook my side and said “Get up again.”
So less than four hours was all of the rest
I had for myself as I got the kids dressed.
My mom picked up Amy who had to go play-
Attending a band lesson early this day.
Left with just 2 kids, I was right on time,
When Matt left before me I thought all was fine.
Till I walked outside to the van that I hate-
And saw the flat tire. I knew we’d be late.
I got on my cell phone and frantically tried
To catch Matt before he got far from my side.
But apparently he wouldn’t answer the phone-
And left me to deal with flat tires alone.
I desperately searched for the can that we save-
Fix-A-Flat for times we have “Just in case days.”
But the can that I found had been used once before
And I shook it to find out that there was no more.
Right at the moment the cat made her escape,
As I chased after her down, my morning took shape
Of something that’s just like Calamity Jane.
I hate Monday mornings that seem like a pain.
The cat was secure but the tire was not-
So I had to work with the options I’ve got.
I ran to the neighbor who always runs late-
But found she had left her house long before 8.
No one could help me get kids off to school-
And I did the unthinkable. I broke a big rule.
I drove on the flat to the gas station’s lot
Ignoring the warnings I’ve always been taught.
Half way to the destination that I was headed
I called up my husband, his morning I shredded.
For after he answered- I yelled in the phone
“I have a flat tire!” He said “I’ll come home.”
“No need!” I retorted “Now I’m on my way,
But if I never make it, then you’ll have to pay.”
With anger and heat I pulled into the spot
Where I could fill up on some air. NOT.
It took 3 quarters, in the van there were none.
So I did what any other woman would have done.
I dashed inside the station and purchased a pack
Of smokes, making sure I got 3 quarters back.
I filled up the tire and headed to school
And the kids in the back seat knew I had been cruel
To my sweet darling husband- and his only crime
Was that he hadn’t answered my phone call in time.
With a minute to spare the kids got to class,
And I knew that I had been a pain in Matt’s a….
Of course on the way home I was stopped by a train.
What else would happen to Calamity Jane?
For a decade of minutes, just me and my smokes
I wondered how I would tell all of you folks
That I was not perfect this morning at all.
That your fearless leader is quite prone to fall.
After I acted so unlike a lady-
I felt I deserved that I now weigh 180.
A quite fitting end to this horrible tale
Of how a flat tire led this girl to fail.
I must clean the house now to help change the fate
Of the way that I spoke so unkind to my mate.
I hope that he reads this to hear my remorse-
And you heard it all here, coming straight from the source.
Matt, I’m sorry I was a witch this morning. Please forgive me.
tales of the cupcake part one
1 day ago