Wednesday, January 20

Tummy Trouble

So here we are. It’s almost the end of January.

ALREADY.

I don’t know about you, but this month has flown past me. I’ve been working on lines, walking, trying desperately to get back on track with dieting, cleaning….all the things I should have been doing all along!


And I have exactly 23 days left before Matt and I step on stage and do our show.


YIKES!!!!

And not that I am obsessive or anything, but I never did have the heart to throw away the old scale. I have it setting next to the new scale. And I use both of them every morning, because it turns out the new scale is more Eeeee-Vil than the old one. Darn technology.


Here I sit, holding at 170 yet again, wondering why in the world my body is stuck.


In the beginning, it was pretty easy. My body wanted to lose the weight, but my head didn’t. Now it has flip flopped, and my head REALLY wants to lose the weight and the body won’t cooperate. Which is frustrating.


I have heard the expression that “the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.”


So dieting is stupid. It’s a confirmed fact.


It’s not like I don’t already know this. The whole blog is devoted to the stupid things I have done during the diet, and my severe lack of bladder and bowel control. And periods. We can’t forget those. (No matter how hard we try…)


The question remains today: Am I really investing in the diet to lose weight, or am I simply playing along with the bare minimum to maintain the work I have done?


The victim part of me screams “It’s not my fault! I’m trying! I’m trying!”


But the Real Charlie that’s in there has another thought…


“You aren’t pushing yourself. A mother bird throws her babies out of the nest so they will be forced to fly. You need a push, Charlie. A big PUSH.”


It’s all come down to this. I know of no other way to push this draggin’ her feet girl than by exposing her deepest fears. And using photographic proof.


So. Here’s my big push.


That’s right. I’m showing you a picture of my "had 3 kids, got fat, lost weight and now it’s super flabby and striped and ugly" tummy. Ironically enough, they- the stretch marks- camoflouge well with my zebra PJ pants.


Brace yourselves.





(Isn’t Matt a lucky guy to have ALL THIS???? He also gets boobs that are 3 feet long!)


Why am I showing you this? This- disgusting photo of my personal shame?

That’s exactly why. It’s my personal shame. The part that never gets exposed. Like the tops of my arms used to be. They are still flabby too, but not as bad as the tummy. It’s the reason I treat my girdles like close friends. Cause of all this yuckiness. This is the part of me that never sees the light. (For good reason, obviously…I even make Matt turn off the lights when we get to know each other in a Biblical sense!) But, I have learned when I share parts of me with you that I don’t want to share with anyone else, something changes. Something happens. A light switch gets turned on, and I feel the fire of desire to change.

And it's proof positive that I need to- must!!!!!- change what I am doing so I can get rid of this tummy. I need to work harder, diet smarter, exercise more often, and even (big gulp) do situps.


You can’t change things about you that you don’t like until you fully understand what has to happen to change them. Showing you this picture is humbling, to say the least. And humility gives me courage. Courage to face my tummy, and work harder. Courage to change.


I have a favor to ask of you. I know lots of you are Blurking. Lurking out there on my blog, reading often, but not leaving comments. I have taken a step towards change by posting an intimate piece of myself for you to see, so you know you aren’t alone. Won’t you please, today, in honor of my terrible tummy, leave a comment or become a follower? So I can read that having to endure taking pictures of my stomach wasn’t for nothing?

Give yourself a push, and leave a comment or follow the blog. Let me know you are out there working towards change too. I need it after this. 'Cause this was worse than going to the OB/GYN.

18 comments:

beadbrat said...

I feel your pain... I have lost 100 lbs over the last 6-7 years... slow going but as I started when I was 45 I wasn't worrying as much about a beachbody as I was about being here to enjoy my grandchildren... And the tummy is the problem... it hangs it sags and it keeps me a size or two bigger than my legs and butt would have me being. I am not sure of the answer, aside from surgery, and that is not an option... I am too old to remortgage my house to have a flatter tummy! You being younger have a better chance of it shrinking some, so don't give up hope, and if you find the answer, please blog it... unless it includes situps!

Anonymous said...

The tummy is the worst part to lose. It doesn't shrink back up like it's supposed to, no matter what you do!

Donna said...

Oh Charlie...you brave lady. I sometimes think that shame is the best answer. I have been trying to work out daily, 15-20 mins a day. It works better for me than doing a longer workout 3 or 4 times a week. I thought I was making a few small changes in my eating habits (still trying to get rid of the extra's you bring in over the holidays) but according to Wii Fit I'm not doing so well. I will continue with my small changes until I'm comfortable enough to work on something new. If I indulged 7 days a week on something evil like potato chips (which is my addiction) then I am cutting back to 6 days a week until I'm okay with it, then I will aim for 5 days. I am doing this with other things also. Every small change makes a difference, right!!!!
You have been my inspiration to get up and do something about this body that "I" created. I did this to myself...feeling sorry for myself with crappy personal things that took place in my life and I felt the urge to comfort myself with food....poor excuse!!!! I will face the same problem as you, sagging boobs and a flabby belly and to think only a few short years ago my tummy was nice and flat....what did I do to myself???
Even if no one else follows or replies.....REMEMBER....you are making a difference in my life....THANK YOU!!!!!

Sonnia Schroeder said...

Dear Charlie and any other women out there who feel alone,

Please know how brave and strong you are. (And I am not your mother so I don't HAVE to say it!) I struggle everyday, not with weight loss, but with depression and pmdd. (REALLY bad pms-and now it's not some invented disorder, it's real and it sucks.) While maintaining a positive body image is a part of what I struggle with my struggle mostly comes from liking what's on the inside of my body and that is my mind and my spirit. I, too was a victim of abuse but like you, Charlie have decided not to take on the victim mentality or a victim role in life. There's no room for it and there's no time in our lives for it!! While blame for our situation is not placed on us, the responsibility of doing something about it ours and we must take it. No one is saying this is or will be easy. It's not, but it must be done for the sake of ourselves, for the sake of our children and for the sake of our men who love us, stretch marks and all, light off or on. I keep this mantra in mind when I don't feel worthy enough to keep up the struggle, "I must take care of my children's mother", because nothing is more important to THEM than me.

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

Do have any idea how much I love you?
That is the bravest thing I think I've ever seen anybody do online.
It's up there with the public weigh in on The Biggest Loser this season (I'm assuming you watch; I watched last night eating my SECOND loaded baked potato).
I think your body might be stuck, but your will, your strength and your determination are going into overdrive, sister! I am so proud to know you and so proud that you're my friend.
You are the best! Work it, hot mama!

megaptera1969 said...

Hi Charlie,

I am so grateful to Lee Ann for suggesting you as a FB friend and directing me to your blog. You are a definite inspiration to me as I try to adjust to the goal to make 2010 my year to eat better, exercise more, and get healthy. I just turned 4-0 in December, and I am tired of carrying around this extra weight. I certainly don't want to suffer a heart attack, high blood pressure, or diabetes. I want to be healthy to enjoy my aging years to the best of my ability, and it is so hard to admit that I have not been giving my best effort to get motivated and exercise.

Thank you so much for putting yourself out here for us to read, laugh, enjoy, and kick ourselves in the butt to get off the sofa and get a workout going. We all have excuses to stop motivation, but your blog is a regular reminder that I am not alone, and I can do it. Thank you!!

trimadsco said...

Awww girl, you make me want to cry! Not b/c you bared your tummy to the world, but b/c you are such an inspiration to me! I'm so glad that I found you! I'm just beginning this new life-style change (I prefer to call it that over the dreaded "diet" word!), but is really IS a comfort to know that someone else has been in my spot, and got past it! I'm sorry you are at one of those plateaus, I hope you find the right thing that jump-starts you & gets you in the place you want to be. I personally think you look GREAT the way you are, you have come so far!! Keep on bloggin', we're here to support you!

Anonymous said...

My problem area is my tummy also and all the bday celebrations distraced me. Which is fine and I enjoyed it. You gave Matt 3 wonderful children and he loves every bit of your body, WAR badges and all. Now it's YOUR TURN to get your body the way that you want and feel confident!

Love you,
Tricky Nikki

Vanessa said...

I love your blog! I'm sure we all have pictures like that, if we were brave enough to show them! Mine would be of my hips, thighs and butt. I won't wear shorts in public because of it. Hang in there and shake up your exercise routine a little- that's what "they" always say.

Anonymous said...

What can I say, girl but that I love a to pieces! Seriously. I know just last week you had someone 'bash' your blog but let me tell you... It's their loss. You are a beacon of light and hope for those of us who aren't that far into our journeys. You are so real that it I spires others to want to do the same thing. I would try and copy you buy photos only go vertically so far...my tummy hangs a bit too much for that.lol too many surgeries
in one spot, I guess, isn't a good thing... And the fact that I was too lazy for too long. ;-) so glad to see such a response on your blog today! YOU ROCK!!!!
Ack! On my cell so not signin into my account! Love ya girl! Danielle

Melissa said...

You can do it! You've worked so hard, don't quit now! Belly fat is one of the hardest to get rid of. It will shrink with time but takes LOTS of cardio. And healthy eating of course. I'm trying to shrink mine at the moment too!

Auntie Em said...

Charlie-

I know exactly how you feel. I have recently (last month and a half) lost 27 pounds and WOW, I can't believe how much better I feel, and my face looks a 1000 times better but my flabby tummy yIKES! I can't stand it. when you figure out the secret let me know. I LOVE your blog, and YOU!

Leah Gillen said...

For a minute there, I thought you had somehow managed to find a picture of my tummy and post it on your blog. Looks so familiar! :-) I totally understand and empathize!!!

shannon said...

I cannot believe the balls you have?!?!?!?! I'm totally impressed. I see that tummy everyday when I look into the mirror at myself...it's the part of me I LOATHE the MOST!!! Thank you for being so brave. You inspire and encourage me all the time...THANKS, Charlie:) 55 pounds down and 12 to go (all with your help)!!!

Jenn K said...

I Just found your blog through the beauty and bedlam blog and all I can say is you are so AMAZING!! From what I have read and seen so far you are one rockin' gal!! I am signed up to be a follower.

Anonymous said...

I've had your blog in my Google Reader ever since I read about it in the News Gazette. Good for you for accomplishing your goals and helping others on the way.

Anonymous said...

What a brave, brave woman!!!! That's exactly where my trouble area is as well when I lose weight. I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but did want to de-lurk to congratulate you on your accomplishments thus far. Keep up the fight!!!

Vanessa said...

Hi Charlie, Do you just do WW online, or do you attend meetings too?

 
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