Monday, November 8

Worth 2 in the Bush?

Today, I am going to be THAT BLOGGER.
The one who likely talks about something that makes you uncomfortable.
But I am wearing my sense of humor today, so I’m throwing caution to the wind and going with it.  I suggest you do the same.
And to keep things light and funny, this post will be brought to you in prose.

This weekend I took a short break from the grind
Of my diet and workout routines.
Because a lesson came up that threw a small wrench
In the gears of this workout machine.
It started on Thursday while in the bathtub
My sweet little razor in hand…
There deep in the tub this girl shaved all her legs,
And continued to shave no-man’s land.
I started to trim just the edges,
Around my bikini bathing suit line.
But at first glance I thought it was crooked,
So the edges I tried to refine.
I’d try to remove just a little,
From the left side first, then the right.
But before I could stop, I bald eagled it.
And thus began my strange plight.
For you see, when a girl goes this far with her bush
She will learn lessons galore,
Like adding an Always with razor burn
Will drop you down straight to the floor.
Uncomfortable doesn’t quite cover it.
In fact, of this iceberg- the TIP.
With no hair down there to help soften it-
Your pads will induce quite the grip.
On Friday while suffering through bootcamp
Oh, I learned this lesson well.
With the jumping and running and flouncing about,
I was in bikini burn heck.
Every step that I took was so painful
And left me in such agony!
I almost walked out of that exercise class
And was ready to be absentee.
But I suffered and puffed through the fire in my shorts.
Determined to get through the time-
While yanking, adjusting and grabbing my crotch
And looking a lot like a mime. (Get it? Cause mimes are always trying to get out of the box? I was trying to save my…. Ah, you get it.)
The class was soon over and I hurried home
To swiftly soothe my sour honey pot-
And grabbed me a tube of some Desitin D
And slathered that stuff on the spot.
The stinging, the pain, the sheer agony-
The suffering your pal Charlie felt
And all because I hadn’t stopped to preserve
The volume of my woman pelt.
So I took the weekend to give it a rest
In the hopes I would soon feel no pain
I’m the first to admit the thought did cross my mind
To rush the process with a bit of Rogaine.
I sat on the couch all this weekend,
Composing this blog in my head,
Mother Nature adding insult to injury.
So just like an eagle, I spread.
The lesson I learned is one you can learn too-
If you're working out avoid the chappy-
And please take a cue from your bloggity friend
Don’t EVER get too razor happy.

(PS, for enduring this post, there will be a really awesome give-away tomorrow from Mint Julep Monogramming, thanks to my buddy Hillary at The Other Mama. Start looking now at the items you like, and come back tomorrow to see how you can win!!!)


Jenn K said...

heheee Oh I feel your pain!! I have been through this torture and I will not go there again! :-) Hoping for fast regrowth...

Untypically Jia said...

You're like the Shakespeare of bush.

Next time try a mink. Beaver pelts don't trade for anything these days.

Eric said...

So while some of this is, well, not likely for a man to go through, I can say I have felt some of your pain before.

Angela Pea said...

ROTFLMAO!!!! I am so, so sorry. No really. If I could stop laughing, you'd see how sorry I really am.

You need to get some Body Glide. Lanolin in a stick, like deoderant, smooth it over delicate areas before exercise and voila! No heat rash! No friction burn! Works great where bra straps chafe, or panty elastic rubs, or where the waistband of your pants dig in.

Auntie Em said...

he he he. funny Charlie

Kendra said...

Oh em gee! I've been there and I know the agony. I LOLed through this whole thing remembering my own experience (thrice repeated before finally learning me lesson).

Ginger said...

look at you getting all risque on your. ;) you will probably get a lot of male followers who googled leg picture hahahahaha or maybe not.

i dont see the point in shaving/waxing/plucking the coochie yet we still do it and it's usually the man's fault, usually hahaha

Devin said...

Ahhhh...only you could make that as funny as it was, Charlie! Thanks for the giggle.

Tanya said...

Oh my!! I could almost feel your pain through the blogosphere!! Your posts never fail to make me laugh, thank you!

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