Have you seen this show on TLC yet?
The strangest addictions you have ever seen. Women who carry puppets 24/7, the girl who eats laundry detergent, one who eats toilet paper…
Well...
(looks to the right, then the left, and leans in for dramatic effect)
I have a strange addiction too.
Only mine isn’t poo-pooed on by society and given a show so people can stare without feeling guilty. Nope, I’m bringing you into the know before it comes to that. You can look without guilt and learn from my mistake.
I WEIGH MYSELF.
A LOT.
We are not talking every day. We are talking after I eat, after I pee, when I wake up, right before I go to bed, after I poo… you name the occasion, I weigh in on it.
Clothed, unclothed, with shoes, without shoes, with cameras in hand, with food in hand…
I am addicted to my scale and weighing myself. Somedays 10 or 15 times.
I don’t tell you this to convince you I am crazy. Ya’ll already know that I am certifiable. And I appreciate your unconditional love.
But when it comes to the scale, only my family has watched me tumble down the rabbit hole of addiction. They see me step on, step off, kick it, move it and step back on again. 5 times in a row. It’s complete insanity.
It didn’t start off that way. I remember a time when I was terrified to get on the scale even once a week. I would throw up from nervousness. But somewhere in the victory of losing, I took it a step too far. I got crazy wanting knowing how certain foods affected my weight throughout the day.
Part of my obsession stems from being open and public about my weight. I feel a certain sense of accountability towards “weight loss” because that’s what we all expect to happen. If you diet (or lifestyle change, whatever you call it) folks expect you to lose weight. Otherwise it gets kinda boring to keep reading about it. But is that really what the diet hokey-pokey is all about?
Here’s the thing. When people ask me about the diet, they don’t ask about my cholesterol, blood pressure or blood sugar. They don’t ask about my stamina increasing. They don’t even ask about inches or sizes I’ve shrunk.
They only ask one question.
HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST?
Society doesn’t care about fitness. It cares about the number at the bottom of the journey.
To be honest, that was all I ever cared about too. Sure the inches lost were great, but I really cared about the POUNDS. Those stupid little hash marks I could check off. My self-esteem (closely tied to my progress regarding the pounds) lived and died by the numbers.
That is, until I read THIS POST. Seriously, go read it. Like RIGHT NOW. (But then come back, cause I’m not done running my mouth yet.)
Did you read it? Did you see?
Her numbers stayed practically the same (within 3 pounds), but her pants size went from a 10 to almost a 4. SHE GOT CLOSE TO A FREAKING SIZE 4, PEOPLE!
All at the same weight.
Part of me wants to apologize for the obsessive behavior I have so publically modeled. And I will. I'm sorry, guys. I didn’t know I was doing it. I didn’t realize what was going on in my head.
Until the girl from Sparkpeople gave me a Thinnervention that turned my world
Up. Side. Down.
While I do not think my bad habit of insanely weighing myself a brazillion times a day requires therapy (oh, I probably need therapy, but not for THAT!) I do think it requires some drastic action.
Like ripping up the manual of everything I ever thought about the end result of dieting.
Am I only losing weight to feel thinner according to an archaic BMI calculator? (Seriously, people, our health care system is going to be based on a chart made by a guy born in the 1700’s. But that’s a whole other blog post.)
Or am I doing this so I feel good and like myself inside and out more than I did when 238 pounds?
My fellow Fitbloggin speaker and friend Karen , (she is good at helping create a-ha moments like the one I am experiencing tonight), Karen gave up the scale a while ago. Wanna know what she thinks about it?
Well over a year ago I decided to stop weighing myself because every time I got on the scale I felt like it had the power to dictate whether or not I was going to have a good day. When I gave it up, I started to feel better, emotionally. And what has unfolded since then is nothing short of amazing.
One thing I have done is measure my waist, but only when the spirit moves me. In the past year I've lost six inches from my waist and I am down two sizes in clothing. But even that is arbitrary. Sometimes I "feel fat" because I am bloated due to hormones or "that time of the month" but even that isn't an accurate portrayal of my health or fitness. Something else I've done is to stop comparing myself to others. I am me and that's all that matters!
The more I embrace that, the better I feel, the better choices I make, the gentler I am with myself and my body responds in kind. Might others look at me and make judgements? Might they say something like, "her tummy is a little flabby" or " her arms could be more toned"? For sure! But who can live up to the images we see in the media? Which aren't even real??? I say better to feel freaking fantastic in my own imperfect but healthy skin!
I DON’T FEEL THAT WAY BECAUSE THE SCALE OWNS MY FATAZZ. If this situation continued to go on, I would be a granny in a wheelchair with a scale tucked under her booty in the seat. Or dancing at my kids’ weddings, but only on 1 square foot of ground that my scale took up cause I'd be dancing on it.
Ya know, this whole thing kinda pisses me off.
I haven’t come this far to be a slave to a little box with batteries in it!
(snicker)
NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE!
(this appears to be my mantra this week)
My scale is down in the scary basement as we speak. Call it drastic action, call it PMS, but something inside me CRACKED tonight. And I clearly see that I cannot live like this anymore. So I am going to weigh myself only on the 1st of the month. THAT’S IT. I figure it gives me 12 days to pull it together (it being sense in my head) and break this bad habit. And then February is a short month. After that, I will feel so good (hopefully) it won’t be an issue any longer.
And I just took my measurements the other night. I’m posting those too today. Cause I’m proud. It’s ok to look at what you’ve accomplished. But I’m going to start leaning on how I feel instead of what I weigh.
The scales have been removed from my eyes, folks. Let’s hope it stays that way.
(all starting measurements were taken after I had lost the first 16 pounds on 1/30/2009- I was too chicken to measure before I lost some weight. ROTFL)
Starting Bust: 51.5
Current Bust: 43
Total bust inches lost? 8.5 (which is why my boobs are now 3 feet long)
Starting Chest: 43
Current Chest: 35.5
Total chest inches lost? 7.5
Starting Waist: 45.5
Current Waist: 34.75
Total waist inches lost? 10.75
Starting Hips: 51.5
Current Hips: 41.5
Total hip inches lost? 10
Starting Midway (between the waist and hips): 48
Current Midway: 42.5
Total Midway inches lost? 5.5
Starting Thighs: 27
Current Thighs: 22.5
Total inches lost? 4.5
Starting Knees: 15.75
Current Knees: 13.25
Total inches lost? 2.5
Starting Calves: 15
Current Calves: 14
Total inches lost? 1
Starting Upper Arm (aka the batwings): 16
Current Upper Arm: 13.5
Total inches lost? 2.5
Starting Forearms: 10.5
Current Forearms: 9
Total inches lost? 1.5
Total inches lost overall since 1/30/2009?
54.25 INCHES
Yep. My scale can suck it. I’m kicking butt.
13 comments:
I too am a slave to the scale. I too let it decide if I am going to have a good day or have a pity party for myself.
Kick that scale in the butt honey! Those inches are something to be very proud of!
I am going to vow now to only weigh myself once week and measure myself every two weeks. I have a long way to go, but that's okay.
Brazillion...ha ha, been there, done that, tore off the T-shirt and ripped it up. I'm getting much better and one day I will have the inner strength like Karen. I have attempted the once a month, but not yet. I have actually gone a whole entire week without weighing though. Yeah me. I just wrote a post about this too, Charlie. We must be on the same wave length...spooky.
I so love the way you write. You crack me up and make me think. Good luck to you. You can do it! One day I think I'll tie the scale to the back of my car and take if for a drive. Hey, perhaps when I get to goal weight ;-)
Wowzers! I'm proud of you Charlie girl! I weigh every morning, but it doesn't make or break my day. I need to measure though.
ok first off, those are AMAZING numbers, Charly!! I need to measure myself, BECAUSE i have weighed the same since last March. THE SAME!!! like maybe 1 or 2 lbs difference. WTC?? so THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post and linking to her blog. i almost want to cry, i fit better in my clothes, i still have a long way to go but i keep self sabotaging cuz the scale won't budge so i think it's not worth it.
seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank u thank u. i'm only measuring from now on. i'll maybe weigh myself in a month or two. thank YOU!!!!
Are you sure that's the same girl in the photo? It doesn't look the same... maybe a twin or something?
LOL!!! I'm kidding! What an amazing story. Such encouragement and truth pours from it.
I'm usually a once-a-week weigher, but yesterday I weighed myself 3 times. *sigh* When I first woke up, right before I left for work and before I went to my WW meeting. My scale is 2lbs off from theres. I weighed more at WW. Disappointing, but it's not getting me down.
I know that you can do this, girl! You can. The numbers speak for themselves.
I love ya to pieces!
I love ever shrinking inch of ya!
Holy crow girl!! Look at those inches!! And you know what? Just for shits and giggles I'd say you probably weigh a lot less than I do (I have no idea how much you weigh, or how much I weigh, for that matter) but our waist sizes are about the same.
Anyway, thanks for the the HUGE shout out. And in seeing the link you provided, I realize that I have not kept up with my Real Food Rules Blog...it just doesn't inspire me any more.
I can tell you (and those who are reading this): it takes practice. The self-love thing? It takes a lot of practice. It's not like you get it once and it stays. But if you can only be consistent at one thing? That's the thing to be consistent with.
Yeah!!
I have to tell you a funny (sort of ) story. A gajillion years ago, when I was a lieutenant in the Air Force, I spent my entire military career on PROBATION because of my weight. Seriously. I weighed 132 pounds, which sounds GREAT, but was actually seven (ONLY SEVEN!!) pounds over the limit for my height according to the Official Weight Chart.
Here's the kicker. At 132 pounds, I wore a size 6, sometimes a 4. definately a size small tshirt. I I couldn't even GET BDU's small enough to fit me, and had to take them all apart and reassemble smaller. I ran at least five miles a day, was a certified aerobics instructor teaching high impact classes three nights a week. Husband and I would bike hundreds of miles on the weekends. I could benchpress more than half my body weight, and do a hundred situps without getting a cramp or even breaking a sweat. Heck, I could actually get five or six pull ups (OVERHAND!!) done in the allotted time period.
Did that matter to El Sargeanto? No. And he gleefully stamped Probation on my weight chart every month. I hated that man, with a deep and unabiding loathing.
So. Numbers are important. Just pick the numbers that mean the most, like your actual measurements, or the number of great kids you have, or how many friends you have to laugh with.
Thought I'd let you know (even though I haven't posted it yet), that my current size is almost the exact same as your before size. Seriously. Like give or take an inch or two in each area, but mostly the exact same.
It's like you were born to walk me through this.
GREAT job on all the inches lost!! Thats amazing and a great inspiration to me!
kick the scale to the curb!
good job! That is one of my NY resolutions - to measure myself each week. Soon I will put the on my blog! Screw the scale...it aint doin' nothin'
(I wish I would have measured myself when I first started 2 years ago!)
So funny! They were talking about this on the radio the other day. This lady said her and her mom eat ceramic bowls. They just sit there and chat and eat ceramic. I am going to have to check out that show.
I love your post more than the cupcake I just ate! As a fellow scale slave, I have been struggling with the numbers lately. I keep gaining muscle according to the doctor, but I still get mad cause the number on the scale keeps going up! Thanks for posting this. I feel better now.
The same thing happened to me when I was in Peace Corps in Costa Rica. I ran every day and on the weekends I rode my bike up a mountain to a lake and swam the lake. I reduced 4 sizes and no pounds. I looked great. At my healthiest, I have weighed 165. Which is way off the scales for someone 5'4".
The health insurance companies make you pay extra if you are not a "healthy" weight. When I get back to what I consider a healthy weight, I will argue with them and ask them to use some other tool to determine my health. Like the ex service woman said. She was super healthy yet on probation for her weight every month. Ridiculous!!! When I can run 5 miles everyday - maybe I'll make that my measurement!! (Well, I'll say 3 miles/3 times a week!)
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