Where in the world is Charlie?
I know. Nothing since Monday.
Bad blogger…
I have legitimate excuses. But I can’t tell you what they are. Cause I am a woman with some serious secrets. Which makes me feel important. But I’m really not. I know that. I’m normal, just like every other person out there.
So dietey-wise? UG. Not my best week. After my inspirational movie I gave you, was I all strong and empowered?
NOPE.
It’s not too bad, just hanging out back at 170 (tomorrow I will be back at 168 and progress can resume) but I did some emotional eating last night.
I made a comment on chat today with my girl Jia (shameless alternate blog plug: Letters to Jia where we feature the Dirty Diet. Check it out!) that cake is my emotional blankie. It’s my go-to soother. I am a 30 something year old woman, and I still have a pacifier????
This shocks and amuses me. I’m finding out more and more about myself as this journey wears on. My obsession with high carb junk food. My insane cravings. The feeling of deprivation that so consumes my thoughts.
Isn’t what I have in my life enough? I have food to eat, healthy kids, a home, a fantabulous husband, 300 channels on my TV, and internet access 24/7. I have built (from the ground up) a support system that loves my particular brand of crazy and GETS ME. I have friends, family and people cheering me on.
And yet I have a pacifier that comes in a big Peppridge Farms box at my grocer’s freezer.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Why haven’t I looked at it this way before? I need one of those ridiculously big pacifiers they wear at raves (are there still raves happening, or did those stop in the new millennium? I have kids, so I’ve got no clue what happens socially these days outside of book clubs with wine and PTA meetings. With wine) to wear around my neck as a reminder.
I need to start sucking it up.
If I am EVER going to be successful at a) losing the weight, and b) keeping it off, I’ve got to start digging out the big ole truth stick. (Like the one Mr. Echo carried around on Lost)
The truth stick hurts. It says this:
CHARLIE, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE WILLING TO DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS WITHOUT GOING TO FOOD FIRST?
The fact is (and I have an ENTIRE blog to prove it) that as long as the going isn’t tough, I can stay focused. As soon as life throws me a hiccup, the tough get cake. Or pizza. Or whatever else is available.
I have long associated my food habit with the feeling of comfort. If I was upset after a long day at school, Margaret the Saint made cookies. When she and I talked about life and the plight of becoming a girl (and all the joys that entail that journey) she and I shared McDonalds fries in the car. I’m NOT blaming my mother for my food habits. The choice to bury my feelings under icing was all me.
But what if I teach that to my daughters? What if I don’t model self-control, patience or forgiveness? What if they see “Mommy cry, Mommy gets cake” and think that’s the way to live? I take responsibility for my role as a parent in health and wellness matters. Once they are on their own, it will be their choice, and they will make their own decisions. But while they are with me for the next 10 years or so, I am doing them a GREAT disservice by associating coping skills with food.
So I am stopping this craziness here. NO MORE.
We are going to take walks when it’s time to talk. We aren’t going to sit in restaurants to spend time to loved ones( well, we will still do that, I’m sure, but we will provide other opportunities to bond and share besides doing it Family Style). I am going to provide my kids with more skills than being the next great baker. They are going to learn how to deal with life, not deal- a- meal- then- deal- with- life.
It’s time to take my lumps from the truth stick. And as long as the lumps on my thighs go away, I’m totally fine with the pain for now.
PS. Check out Tanya's blog for a chance to win $25 from CSN stores!!! Just one more day to enter, and there's not too many entries yet, so you have a great chance of winning!
14 comments:
I guess we both have realizations that need to be turned into solid actions.
Hehe, truth stick.
I think that's why most of us are Here. Here, soothing our stress, anxiety, depression, anger, and so on, with food. It ain't easy. But tomorrow is a chance to do it better again.
Habits die hard. That's for sure. I won't even try talking about what I've eaten this week becuase it will make me cringe and then cry.
Let's just say 5 boxes of crackers have been eaten at my house in the last week and a half. And most of it wasn't by hubby and the kids!
I agree with Lynda though - tomorrow is another day and we can just do better then. That's allwe can do.
And at least we're all in the same boat together!
Hugs,
Lea
Comfort food for me is all carbs and coke. Please help. You are not the only one!
I can't win either. I must have something saviry and then I go for something sweet. Im not setting a good example for Youngling who I must encourage to eat more fruit and veg. By answering the question 'why' we can start to address what it is that really makes us comfort eat or want these things. I need a good kick up the behind to help me along my way - self motivation is hard! Keep up the good work and keep your chin up chick xx
gah! i soooo do this! i can pump myself and anyone else up to the "enth" degree. and then as soon as i try and not eat a carb, i bake cookies and eat about 8 of them in one sitting. sigh...why don't i immediately do pushups or crunches when i'm stressed or emotional about something? strap my shoes on and "run" away from waz getting to me?
i so need to work on this, cuz life doesn't get easier and there will always be something that sets us up, or makes up feel deprived or makes us want to eat a whole cake. So, i"m with YOU!! No more!! Let's "run" out our problems with our handy training schedules and break that truth stick over our firm/taut thighs! ;D
Food as a drug.... much like drugs suddenly one cookie isn't enough for your fix.... then two... and then... it turns into something huge - because you have to be sure you're going to get your high. Been there, done that - still doing it. I've just downsized to a single Ghiradelli 60% dark chocolate square...
Yes. Yes. Yes.
They physical part of losing weight and adopting a healthy lifestyle is easy. We all know how to count and can do the basic math behind "burn more calories than you consume".
The emotional part is hard and takes much longer. The emotional part demands the sacrifice. The emotional part rips us open, spills us out on the floor and then leaves us alone with ourselves to clean up the mess.
Thank You Heavenly Father, for the blessing of friends who show up with buckets and mops.
That was weird. My post posted itself three times!
Right now, if I could have a monthly(had a partial hyst a few years ago), it would be that time of month, thus making me really want to eat everything in sight! Ah! It's so frustrating because now I'm shoving bananas and apples and pineapple down my throat. Which, only makes me want sweets, and pizza and everything else more because I didn't get satisfied with what I wanted.
I always feel like it's a never ending cycle. But, I know it isn't. And God be our strength, we will continue on in this race!
Yeah. I can already see my kids emotionally eating sometimes~and not just the girls. I am thankful they are fit, but I was too at their age... Lots to think about here, thanks for that.
Love my Charlie who tells the truth.
My humble little "Today" group is getting ready to start studying Lysa TerKeurst's new book, "Made to Crave," which is all about learning to crave God more than food. How to run to God when hard times come instead of running to food.
I would be so happy to have you and any of your buddies join us. You can get the details here.
http://prayergifts.blogspot.com/2011/01/today-12-weightloss-wednesdays-way-too.html
Love, LeeBird
I was just checking in since I hadn't seen a post from you in a bit...
Aww. Love this post. I get it. My pacifier is Makers Mark. Not in an ALCOHOLIC way, but maybe just in kind of a LUSH way. Oy.
By the by, how are things? :)
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