Tuesday, March 9

Cleaning up the Double Standard

So yesterday I cleaned for 8 hours straight. I got a lot accomplished, and I should be ready to paint very soon. Which is great! I’ve never had a really nice bedroom to sleep in. Not one that was all coordinated and stuff. I’m going to show you pictures of the half way point, but there is a disclaimer. About 4pm yesterday my vacuum cleaner bag took in a little more than it should have, and filled to the tippy top. So there is still a lot of gunk on the floor because we moved furniture around for the first time in 2 and a half years. Oh the joys of domestic life!
Here’s a nice shot with (unvacuumed) carpet showing…

See? I have been working! Now, a nice little montage of some of the interesting things I found while cleaning…

My glasses from high school…

Matt’s extensive dumbbell collection… complete with cobwebs.
*giggle* (he can never give me crap about not using my treadmill again!)

5 alarm clocks… (Charlie is REALLY NOT a morning person.)

I forgot we had this! That is fun stuff...

And of course, the keychain that says “Keys I haven’t lost yet.” Please note that the keys are missing… (man, I gotta get my bottom wolfie tooth fixed. I hate that tooth!)

Paint has been picked out and is hiding in the van at the moment, so we are going to be well on our way to our very own Clean Sweep!

In other breaking news, I got a wild hair this morning at Walmart and purchased Alli. Yeah, the stuff that gives you “treatment effects” if you eat too much fat. We will probably get a few good blog posts out of this experiment.

OK. Normally, I don’t like to address blog comments on the blog. I like to send you all a note in your email if your comment comes with one. Manic Mommy’s does not. SO we are going to talk about her comment here together. Mostly because I think it is a brilliant thing to talk about and I know we all feel it. This is what she said…

“random thing about the weight - do you sometimes feel like two people? I can't get excited about the weight I've lost because I've been here before, and it's like I'm waiting for the other-me to tap on my shoulder and say "The charade is up, you can't lose this weight, just go back to your old ways . . . ." I've been here so many times!!! All I can do is keep trudging through and hoping that if I hit a wall, this time I'll find a way to get through it (or over it, or under it - whatever it takes!).”

I feel like 2 people all the time, Manic Mommy- I think we all do. Especially those of us who have never known a “thin” life. It is so easy for us to associate WHO we are with WHAT we are. We take our bodies at face value – “because I look like this, it must mean I am that.”
So when we start finding success for the first time (or the second) (or the twentieth) we don’t allow ourselves to embrace our successes. Women feel this internal need to punish ourselves. We think that because we are a certain __________ (and please insert anything you struggle with in the blank) that we must beat ourselves up for being less than what we see other women are.

So there is the side of me that says “Whoopee! I have lost a crap ton of weight and I’m gonna keep going till I’m skinny and take a bunch of other gals with me!” Then there is the part of me that lays in bed saying “I never should have started such a public journey of my mess. I am going to let them all down when I gain everything I’ve lost back.” I do that almost every single night.

I think the problem is that we are trained from an early age to second guess ourselves. We don’t look at what is right for us, we try to put what looks right on someone else onto ourselves and make it work. Then when it goes horribly wrong (like the time I tried Atkins. But that is a blog for another day) we get frustrated and call OURSELVES the failing factor. Instead we should be taking signals from our bodies about what works and what doesn’t. We look around for answers instead of looking within.

I don’t know how to tell you we are supposed to fix this double life we live as dieters. I wish I knew so that I wouldn’t do it myself. What I can tell you is that we can “hear” the voice telling us we are going to fail, but we don’t have to LISTEN. We don’t have to believe it. We can’t ignore it, but we can say “I am going to prove you wrong on this one.”

And then we keep putting one foot in front of the other. We keep eating fruit till we are leaving Trix in the toilet, we eat Smart Ones till we burn out our microwaves- we drink water till we float away. We let Jillian Michaels shred us, and we let Richard Simmons make us disco dance till we drop.

And maybe- just maybe- one night when we are laying in bed, we will shut that voice up and get to say my 4 favorite words.


So keep rocking the diet, Mama. Keep on trucking. We can do it this time. I just know it.


Gretchen Bloom said...

What a great message, Charlie! I am inspired. I hate that mean girl who keeps reminding me of each of my past failures.

The truth is: I have learned something from each of my failed attempts at weight loss. Mostly, I have learned that desperation and impatience is my enemy.

Now about the Alli - I bought some and tried it when it first came out. I ate well and never had side effects. I also did not see any weight loss other than the 1 lb a week I was already losing.

In the end, I just stopped taking Alli because I wanted to have faith in myself and in God - and I knew that pills weren't the answer. Please don't take this as judgement - if Alli can kick start your efforts again, go for it! Just don't let that mean girl voice tell you that it's your last hope. You can DO THIS, Charlie! And I'm so glad you are helping others along the way...(me)

trimadsco said...

Man I need you at my house! It desperately needs a good cleaning-out! Yay for you! (and just think of all the calories you burned doing it!)
Manic Mommy definitely hit the nail on the head. I feel like that all the time. So scared of failing, again. I think we've all been there, done that. But I am so determined this time to come out the winner!!

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

I can't wait to hear about the Alli! Lord, please don't let it be similar to the Baked chips when they first came out.
And I do mean "came out". Oh my.

And you ARE doing it! You are doing IT!!
You are living your true self, in front of people, and making a difference. You are AWESOME!!!

megaptera1969 said...

My home needs a good makeover too. Parents arrive tomorrow night, and the bed they will be sleeping in is covered with 2 unpacked suitcases from last week's trip, shoes piled on the floor, and dirty sheets that need to be washed.

Had to bring the dog to the vet today and talk about anal glands (had to throw that in there with all the poop talk your blog gets), and he was so over excited to see all the other dogs, I am sheer wiped out with no energy to even lift a single shoe off the floor.

I know I definitely feel like a double lifer too. I was just chatting earlier with another friend on a weight loss journey, and neither one of us can really recall a time we have been a "healthy" normal weight for our height. Weight Watchers says the high normal BMI for my short 5' ZERO inches is 128 pounds. I was maybe in the 120s in 8th grade. At 165, anything under 130 seems so dreadfully far away. I try VERY hard to remain focused on short term goals and celebrations.

I have been on Weight Watchers since January 6, and I have lost 7.4 pounds in 8 weeks on the plan, including 2 of those weeks on vacation. If I lose 1.2 when I weigh in tomorrow, I will have achieved my first 5% weight loss. Whew - it took a long, long time to put the weight on, so I certainly don't expect the weight to come off quickly either. I do know that my body is getting addicted to exercise. Weather has been beautiful for biking and hiking, and I have been to some aqua aerobics at the fitness center.

I definitely helps going through this lifestyle change with many friends and a wonderful internet support team via this blog, Facebook, and Weight Watchers online. Thank you Charlie and your readers who take the time to comment so we all know we are not dealing with these challenges alone! :)

Autumn Mist said...

Excellent post - you have a BED and everything! I have one too but I rarely see it as it's covered in each day's clean laundry, which I throw into the corner at night, get in bed, get out and go and do more laundry.
I know what you mean about the 'dieting in public' thing. My blog was going to be all about my horsey adventures. How was I to know I'd be scared to death to ride on my own?! Trust me to open my big mouth. How do I say, 'We used to be really good at it?' Mmm, great!

This Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking Blog Was Designed by April Showers Blog Design