New Kids on the Soap Box

Dear Cover Girl-

You rejected the most awesomest video in your “Stand up for Beauty” contest. I am not ashamed to admit that it was mine. Here’s what you missed out on (for you blog readers who are not on FB or haven’t seen it yet- if you have just keep reading…):

Now, you may have kicked it out for any number of reasons. It could have been because someone found the phrase “peed my pants” offensive. I agree. It is offensive. Especially when someone who has a teensy bladder sneezes and wets her pants. Continuously. I know.

Or maybe it was because you thought I got hurt falling off the exercise ball. I did not. There are lots of exercises I avoid doing because they hurt me way more than the prat fall I did in the video.

Perhaps it was the Tanya Harding Manicure that got me kicked out. Not all of us have time to get our "nails did" you know. We are too busy scraping gum and toilet paper off the back of our pants.

But most likely, you booted me out of your contest because I showed a screen shot of my blog. Yes, I know you only want to promote Cover Girl products, and that showing people the name of this crazy mess of a blog caused a ruckus.

But I wish you would reconsider and let me back in this contest with my video AS IS. And here’s why:

Not all of us are cover girls at heart. Many of us fat chicks would never be brave enough (or stupid enough) to put ourselves in the running of your contest with a bunch of 20 year old skinnies who have their whole life ahead of them and not one stretch mark to be found- with perfect complexions and who probably don’t need makeup. Or have random hairs growing on their belly buttons like me. (And others, hopefully…)

Instead, we have been told by the media that we are probably better off hanging out in low light to no light areas, taking care of our kids and eating Ben and Jerry’s and Oreos all day.

I say- Poot on THAT!

I am here to tell you that we, although we don’t like what we are right now, love WHO we are.

We embrace that we are courageous enough to look in a 3 way mirror and say “It could get better, but for today I am doing my best!” We love that we support one another on our journey to losing the extra weight, and we are gonna overcome this. TOGETHER. We have fears, but we are putting on a brave face. With or without makeup. And we are the New Kids- on a Soap Box.

There are so many women out there who have NO ONE to support them. They feel scared and fat and alone. They have no idea that this blog is out there for them. And I have to tell you- there is support here on this blog. That is a proven fact.

Tonight I read through all the comments left for me on this blog. I sat down and read them all in one fell swoop. And do you know what I figured out, Cover Girl?

Every single one of these women (and the rare gentleman, but one good period story and they usually head for the hills!) deserves to win your contest on principle alone. Each one of these women has taken a moment of her day to gather here and reach out. To face change in a completely unconventional way.

Each one of these women has found herself inadvertently Standing up for Beauty.

By the time I finished reading all my 400+ comments back to back to back, I was crying. Because I felt so beautiful and loved and WORTHY. And as much as I love your TruBlend Whipped foundation, your makeup cannot do that.

I figure that you will want to thank all of these women personally for taking the challenge to be brave and beautiful, but you wouldn’t be willing to have someone work overtime and find all of their names. Well, Cover Girl, today is your LUCKY DAY!!!

Because I went though and wrote down every last name for you.

I figured that you would appreciate my wasting an entire night typing name after name, but in a REAL cover girl fashion, I found it to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Let my video back in the contest. Pretty please? There are THOUSANDS of women out there who feel just like me and my Big Butt Gang. (Oh, that makes us all sound so butch, doesn’t it?)

And women like us need to know that we have a place to go that accepts us just as we are. Fat rolls and stretch marks and bellybutton hair and all. Women should know that we can be loved as we are right at this moment. That’s why putting the name and picture of my blog in the contest commercial was so important. And I will not take it out. It’s not worth 50 grand to me. (Even though that money was GOING to buy a house for me and get my tubal reversal surgery. Sigh)

Cover Girl, you are awesome. And I use your stuff every day. But today, you need to see the other side of beauty.

And you need to see it set to New Kids on the Block.


Anxiously awaiting your reply-

Charlie- Imperfect and loving every minute of it


(And don't you dare watch the first 10 seconds and think this is just a list of names. It gets really really really good near the end. You will want to see it. I pinkie swear!)